Thank you for your service, and good luck in the tournament.

I've added links to the two reviews that Mojo6 put up in the first post of the feedback thread for easy access.

I've also compiled all of acidslayers' small comments for each character in my latest post there.

I might be incredibly behind with my reviews but at least I can pimp the ones that have been done

Thank you ICEgrenade and Spider804, that means a lot to me because they're a lot of people who calls me names because I'm a soldier. It's nice to have somebody tell me thank you, that really hits home for me.

Once again thank you ICEgrenade and Spider804 and good luck in the tournament.

You're welcome.

yeah youre welcome dude

Thank you guys again and in the words of Kurtis Stryker: "I'm simply doing my job"

Do you think that there is room for another member of the Kahn family? I have something in mind for KAK V7!

I'd say there's more than enough room for another member of Kahn's family. Dude has to have something right? Go for it!

His little sister?
Maybe crotchety old grandpa Kahn.

HAHA! Na...

Had an idea for years on a "brother".

Dhai Kahn.

Story already planned. I just have to wait till KAK V7.

Again I apologize on the delay, these are proving to be quite lengthy. Out of respect for the assumed amount of time the contestant spent on the entry, I’m devoting equal amount of time in writing up an analysis. Here we have Keilenaten and Kevshi.
------------------------------
Character Review 2

KEILENATEN

- Overall Presentation (3.5/5): Blending compelling elements from popular ancient Egyptian culture as well as time travel sorcery, Keilenaten at her core proves to be an interesting design. It’s when the author attempts to merge concept with some key aspects of character design that Keilenaten begins to struggle. Stylistically, the author stays consistent to the underlying theme of Keilenaten throughout the piece yet undermines her execution with grammatical oversights, underdeveloped backstory, and incongruent gameplay.

- Appearance (4/5): The use of variations of gold metal is an interesting design choice and fits the regal theme of the character while conveying aspects of her personality. Excellent choice here. Stylistically, the author makes some curious choices in wording the description but successfully paints a visual image of both costumes. While Jax007’s sketch of the sorceress queen is blurry, it succeeds in providing much needed context to the written description since the author forgoes details related to Keilenaten’s Egyptian-esque design influence. Despite some minor shortcomings and a few vague details, this is a competent execution of Keilenaten’s concept accompanied by a complementing art piece. Arguably however, the author seems to rely on the reader’s previous knowledge of archetypal Egyptian dress versus establishing details through description.

- Backstory (3.5/5): Harkening back to a thriving world immersed in ancient Egyptian culture, Keilenaten’s foundation inception is as solid as the base of the ancient pyramids. It’s when we ascend those weathered slabs of cracked limestone with the author do we find that unlike the ancient wonder, the building blocks of Keilenaten were not as meticulously constructed. To begin, the author establishes a new dimension in Mysticrealm that has fallen upon disfavor in the eyes Elder Gods and thus has been subsequently banished from existence. It’s in this opening paragraph that a pattern begins to emerge where key aspects of Keilenaten and her home world are glossed over and underdeveloped, resulting in an interesting snapshot of a concept, yet two-dimensional in its presentation.

In lieu of taking the opportunity to delve into Mysticrealm’s relationship with the Elder Gods, the author chooses to provide only a cursory explanation in the Mysticrealm denizens practicing “Dark magics and mystical illusions” without any context. Further still, when the attention shifts to Keilenaten’s own personal beginnings in her “thirst for power” and her “mastery of magic, mystics, and time travel” are we the reader provided any justification of context. Already on hollow ground, the author moves forward in integrating Keilenaten’s plot relevance to the current state of the MK universe.
Choosing to ally with Quan Chi/Shinnok in direct opposition of Kahn isn’t a terrible angle (although arguably a recycled concept) though takes great liberties in altering the established canon through deceptive time travel telepathy. Truly Keilenaten has begun establishing herself as so powerful, that she overshadows the majority of the fighting roster and does so hinging her own relevance on one of the most highly criticized plot hooks of MK 2011. As a result the time sorceress begins to feel more like a “Boss/Sub-boss” character, and stretches her existence in the MK timeline to the point of breaking. Of note however, I enjoyed the clever ending of the character that incorporated innovative use of her “time travel/astral” powers.

- Gameplay (4/5): One of the most arduous tasks in this competition is merging a solid concept with solid gameplay application. This category, while not singularly pivotal in itself, is where an author can exhibit noteworthy skill in cementing the concept theme of their character in fluid execution of gameplay creativity. Keilenaten has some refreshing innovation in gameplay but is hampered by description details that avoid the use of gameplay mechanic terminology. “Free hit state”, “Status effect debuff”, “Parry”, and similar game mechanic technical terms would’ve aided the description. Several of the moves are left up to the reader to determine mechanical application and could benefit from more specific detail. The special ability Channeling in particular, stands out as the least cohesive and vague of the lot and could stand from revision or outright omission. Curious still is why the author chose to include an Enhanced version of only one special, Energy Blast, yet failed to do so with any other entry. Fatality 1 Age of No Return is a wonderful design consistent with the theme of the character were Fatality 2 All In Your Head thematically borrows from the tenuously developed telepathy powers, and sounds too long in animation.

Ultimately Keilenaten is a solid concept at her core though could benefit from further development in her personal motives, integration into the MK plotline, some fine tuning in her special description, appearance details, and the overall style and grammar of the piece. All in all though a very solid merging of concept and execution.

---------------------------------------
Character Review 3

KEVSHI

- Overall Presentation (2/5): Plagued with grammatical and stylistic error the concept of Kevshi is underdeveloped and portrayed with vague and inconsistent execution. Relying on the established character of Kenshi the author seems to place the success of this concept on the shoulders of the blind swordsman without asserting Kevshi as unique in his own right. The theme of “dark arts swordsman” was established with minimal attention to contextual detail and executed without cohesion. Because of this loose approach to design concept, stylistic approach, and gameplay execution, Kevshi does little to establish himself as distinct; even relying on Kenshi’s literal name for inspiration.

- Appearance (2/5): The color scheme of the primary is competent enough (black/green) while the design attempts to incorporate elements of Kevshi’s dark personality through archetypal renegade imagery (spiky hair, piercings, chains, and pentagram) and it’s that sense that the appearance compliments the core concept. Despite being thematically appropriate however, Kevshi’s aesthetics are described with a shocking lack of attention to detail and are recycled via palette-swap in his secondary costume.

- Backstory (1.5/5): The weakest part of the piece as the author does little to establish Kevshi’s personal motives and his insertion into the MK universe. Little time is devoted towards Kevshi’s motives for delving into “dark magics”, the origin of these “dark magics”, and his descent into madness. All of this established while ignoring the canon continuity of Kenshi himself, and how that impacts Kevshi’s involvement in the current MK universe timeline.

- Gameplay (2.5/5): Without discussing again the grammatical and stylistic problems of the gameplay write up, Kevshi manages to stay consistent with his “dark magics swordsman” theme in gameplay execution. Problems arise however as the lack of contextual focus in what the author views as “dark magics” manifest in unfocussed gameplay. Snakes, skulls, pentagrams, and bones certainly are congruent with the “dark magics” theme, but only at a very basic level. The end result is scattered execution of the core concept.

A modest if not harried attempt at a concept, Kevshi could stand from serious review in concept/gameplay development, as well as stylistic and grammar review. Also it behooves me not to mention that in a creative writing contest such as this, failing to capitalize sentences is an egregious oversight.

I mean this in the most joking of ways, but Dhai Kahn sounds like daikon, which is a vegetable.

@Crow:

Might be unrealistic but if you pump out 1-2 reviews a day (maybe after the tourney) it would give people a reason to check back and continue to have interest in the KaK portion of MKO. You'd also would be able to finish it up in approximately two months.

I had the exact same thing pop into my head, too. Might want to alter that somewhat. Don't want Shao Kahn's badass brother associated with a turnip.

My feedback on Torment as requested:


Bio: pretty straightforward, interesting explanation for his powers as an evoulutionary occurence. Not much I can say on this part, it accomplishes its goal of giving him a reason to fight and his powers.


Fighting style:I don't get much of a feel for how Torment primarily fights, I just wish a bit more was included.


Primary cosutme:Decent, it fits what your characters abilities are and it would be interesting to see such a creature incorporated into MK.

Alternate: Nice to see he has a human and spider costume, always welcome to have very diverse, story relevant costumes.


Special Moves: Excellent use of specials, would make for an interesting anti-air character.


X-ray: pretty straightforward and brutal, this X-ray really highlights your character's skill set well.


Fatalities: The first is quite inventive and very well done, I love the originaltiy.
The second fatality was okay.

Ending: Bittersweet, also pretty straightforward and accomplishes its goal


Overall closing comments: Torment is a nice addition to the contest and he brings something new to the table in terms of speicals, gameplay,
appearence, and fatalities.

Good luck.

Ay! I've just realized I'm up tomorrow. Now I'm nervous and all that jazz..... That's 24 hours I will be totally avoiding this forum.

Who am I kidding. I'm squinting bitterly already.

It's gonna be a rough 48 hours for me.

I wouldn't mind a review from Crow on Zhi. I'm kind of shocked I lost to Onyx. Don't get me wrong, he's a good character, but in the grand scheme of things I think Zhi fits better into the MK universe than Onyx. Zhi's story ties into MK9 in an important way, makes nods to other games, his moves were all designed to flow together ... I.E.

Someone jumps in , Slow Down, Jump punch 2 2, ES Time flurry, ES Back in time flurry, Upper cut.

Like I said, nothing against Onyx, I voted for him in the prelims, but he's basically just Karn from Magic the Gathering 2012, and I just think a Golem seems kind of like an odd fit for the MK universe.

But hey, I know I'm getting salt everywhere so I'll shut up now, lol, the people have spoke. Anyway, good job to Onyx and hopefully he goes far.

Hmm... You know, I'm 28 and I have never heard of a veg called that hahahaha!!!

Changes are already on the boil.

Gendo

Story

While the premise of the character of Gendo is somewhat interesting, it leaves a bit too much to the imagination. An Outworlder of this type hasn't really been introduced, one that opposes the realm's devouring ways, so I am intrigued by that aspect of it. However, you fail to mention many of the finer details that could have made this a greater character. In one line, you mention a public and controversial attack on Kahn's rule; this would be something you'd need to elaborate on. Did Gendo hold some standing in Outworld? How did Kahn come to hear him speak against him, or is he simply a radical of no standing? You describe Gendo as a powerful sorcerer, but his connection to Shao Kahn is only vaguely alluded to. Without it, it damages the character as making connections to canon characters must be done in a way that leaves no questions.

His connection to Earthrealm should be explained in more detail as well. Why did he find rural Japan such a suitable place to call home? Did anything interesting take place there to deepen his character or push him into deciding to take a stand?

I enjoyed the ending, because as I said a character supporting "freedom of the realms" is quite fresh and unique. I have always been interested by the composition of Outworld and am surprised there are virtually no canon characters that dwell in Outworld which don't have a problem with the realm being composed of many absorbed worlds. Nitara is all that springs to mind as being such a character. The only issue with the ending is that there is no such motive in the biography section explaining why Gendo feels so strongly about freedom.

Something I'll touch more on below is his abilities, but as a character this is relevant as well. Most generally frown upon overly powerful characters such as this one. I would suggest reducing Gendo to a specialist in some form of magic, rather than having him be so well versed in all of them. Furthermore, I am curious about the description where you note he is "demon embodied"; there's not a single reference to this again in the biography.

Gameplay

As I just mentioned, this character is a little too busy. I enjoy sorcerers and wizards, but the best ones have a general theme to them rather than having such a large amount of knowledge at their fingertips. The reason for this is that in a fighting game you are limited to a certain number of special moves. In other genres (RPGs and such) it's perfectly fine for a character to be worldly, because those games are deeper and more immersive, allowing for many more options character wise. If you display 3-4 different powers in a fighter, you end up limited to one or two moves per power. I've never enjoyed this because I feel the best characters are those who use a single power in a variety of ways; it feels more realistic and authentic. Good examples of this in the canon are Sub-Zero and Raiden.

Heart of Darkness is an interesting spell and the most original of the bunch, but I question whether it could actually work in Mortal Kombat. This move could only be applicable in online mode; since if you're playing against a friend by your side, the screen cannot go dark for just one person. Shadow and flame magics typically go good together, so with some adjustments you could probably keep those specials. Lightning however seems out of place and I be inclined to drop it in favor of more specials and add depth to his other powers.

The fighting style is far too vague; you will need to be more descriptive. Even without formal training a character must be able to fight; this is Mortal Kombat and martial arts are important. Living in Japan, would this character perhaps be able to adopt some type of style from the region? I think that's a sensible approach.

X-ray and fatalities could stand a bit of work. X-ray wise you may simply need to be more descriptive, but then again most X-rays are combo attacks on different body sections. I like the idea of the throat cut, but adding another hit in when the opponent is stunned could be helpful. Here in this first fatality is your one and only mention of Gendo and his demon form. As I've said in my other reviews, I am an extreme opponent of randomly turning into creatures without any storyline background to support it. It's very important you explain just what Gendo is and how he is able to transfigure himself into this demon.

Appearance

Appearance wise the character seems interesting enough, though when not providing an image I prefer extremely thorough detailing. What I recommend to those without images for their characters is to detail section by section what the character looks like. Start with their physical features and then describe the attire from head to toe. Same with the alternate. Though "medieval Japanese attire" sounds cool on paper, without a way to see the images in your mind I as the reader cannot be sure exactly what you mean.

3 Major Suggestions

-Go more in depth with Gendo's history. Explain his connection to Shao Kahn and why he feels the way he does and how he comes to Earthrealm.

-Focus on one or two powers at the most. Don't attempt to give a character 3 or more different elemental masteries.

-Detail your character appearance piece by piece; maybe go against your better judgment and show us that picture to save yourself the trouble!

It's tough. I feel like I could do a lot better if there were just more hours in the day. One of these time controlling characters needs to help me out.



It might be a month or more before I reach Zhi's review, but it'll come eventually so just keep checking back on my progress. I go in order, day eliminated, then alphabetically. I appreciate the maturity. I know it's rough going out in round 1, but sometimes RNG isn't kind. There are several characters I feel should not have been eliminated this early on, and characters who will definitely reach round 3 I feel should have never advanced a round.

Following my reviews for every round 1 exiting character, I will rank them from my favorite to least favorite in order and hint at which I feel should have advanced (not necessarily have won their matches in all cases, but were worthy of advancing if they had a better draw).

Still trying to bang these out. Updated list is as follows:

- Tao Fei

- Shoulen

- Keilenaten

- Kevshi

- Tyron Magnum

- Casilde

- Komodo

- Krustacean

- Deon Bordeaux

- Lorsid

- Ekimaru

- De Kai & De Kio

- Shiku

- Erzhara

Still accepting requests.

@Ab—Horrence: When you get the chance could you link the latest reviews on your master thread? Thanks.

@Mojo6:

Eh, why not... You wouldn't mind adding Annette to that list, would you?

Haaaaaaa! We are fighting tomorrow!!!! I hadn't realiced until you sayed it. I'm so scared. Wish you good luck with Annette, she is a very interesting charachter :)