About Me
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About Me
Fan of MK since I found out about it when it was r
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About Me
Fan of MK since I found out about it when it was r
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About Me
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Ab_Horrence Wrote:
Remember that time I promised to go through all of the 13 entrants and give constructive feedback? Yeah, seems like stuff like that takes a bit of time. So I've got through more than half so I'll post these now, and then the other 6 later. I've done them in alphabetical order.
Adsler:
Pros:
- Grim Reaper figure not really explored in MK universe so it’s a good angle.
- Strong description and realization of character: death masks, graceful female vessel, bones shifting inside
- Inside-Out Lunge is a cool move, would love to know what her innards look like though
- Very cool picture but it’s too small: I want to see more of the details!
- Fatality 1 is a good concept. Might want to explain how the camera captures all the details though.
- Ending short but it gives Adsler a future conflict. Not just, and then everything was solved.
Cons:
- Ancient race that is incredibly spiritual stereotype + Murians are mentioned once and then ignored. Would like a little more background.
- MK Universe already has a place for the dead, a heaven and hell. Neatherrealm is that place. You propose an even earlier resting spot for the dead. How does that take into account the realm of the Elder Gods, etc. Being an ancient race feels like a cop out.
- Physical description is overloaded and repetitive. Can be cut down. Adsler is compared to alabaster, artificial life, marble and a statue. Take out extraneous details like the tongue. Not used in a move, is it really necessary? Same can be said with the geometric angle you’ve chosen. Too many ideas.
- Rest of moveset and x-ray need some spicing up. What bones are being crunched in x-ray for example?
- Fatality 1 and 2 are too much the same.
- “The Order of Death has been corrected” after a victory. There is no death, no fatality. How have things been corrected?
- The word ‘lounge’ is used instead of the word ‘lunge’ twice and really sticks out
Alexandra:
Pros:
- Betrayal and conflicting feelings of motherland is a strong conflict
- Her role as a dumb-slaving gathering information is smart. I can see Kahn ranting to his slave girls about everything.
- Cool fighting style of gladiator type combat with Pankration even though the grapples and pressure points are underutilized
- Piano Fingers is a cool move but saying every pressure point is extreme and save the bone breaking for x-rays
- X-ray is a good showing of her gladiatorial ways. Especially like the shield hits.
- I like how she turns away the opportunity to be a hero in her ending. Greece is not a Monarchy though.
Cons:
- Timeline and Kahn’s ability to invade Earthrealm must be clarified. I read the bio many times and still could only guess when these events were supposed to take place. Paragraphs and editing down the bio would help. Also keep in mind that the first three games are set around our time and that Kahn was in place to conquer Earth 500 years ago before the Great Kung Lao foiled him. Also keep in mind the restrictions put on Kahn for invasion.
- Peter does not sound like an ancient Greek name. Petrus is the Greek equivalent.
- Already been brought up, but give a reason for Kahn focusing on mainly Greece. Maybe that’s where the portal opens from Outworld and where he starts.
- Kahn conquered Edenia, killed many and still took Kitana as his daughter. Why would he not do the same with Greece and Alexandra? Maybe use her divine beauty as a reason. I felt the Aphrodite angle was underutilized but had a lot of potential.
- The ghost training her and bringing her equipment didn’t feel right. Ghosts usually hang around a short period to give revelations. Maybe have the father show her where her people’s armour and weaponry are held within Kahn’s fortress and have her learn her battle skills from ancient instincts and watching many Mortal Kombat tournaments.
- Too many moves and too many similar moves (two projectiles, two sword slashes)
- Do not use notes after your bio. Work it into the story. And the fact that she absolutely only kills when necessary is contradictory to everything MK.
- Fatality 1 should kill opponent with the bear hug. More gruesome and interesting.
Bachi Li:
Pros:
- Guardians of Colour is an interesting idea. How the colour purple could be harnessed as powers (ie the colour red gives fire and rage poweres) should be explored more.
- Aikido is a good choice for complimentary fighting style for Bachi.
- Purple Rage is cool move, especially the enhanced version. I think 20-40 orbs are too many though.
- Fatality 2 has potential. If you feel that the power of purple is good for summoning weapons, you should expand on that more.
- I like the humour you try and put in with the ending taunt. However, the smiley in message does not fit the character at all.
Cons:
- Bachi Li does not sound like a Japanese name.
- His story needs to be fleshed out more. Why was he sent to Orderrealm for judgment? Why does Raiden, Liu Kang and Kung Lao suddenly befriend him? What about the other Guardians of Colour? It’d be interesting to hear about them.
- The theme of purple is too overbearing in his costume. It’s also strange that a Guardian of Colour is wearing jeans. Get rid of the question marks when describing the Japanese words and definitely get rid of the description of the character in MK Armageddon and Soul Calibur. It detracts from your description.
- Most of the moves are over-complicated and have way too many hits. Try to think of moves unique to the power of purple. The naming of moves also doesn’t correspond to what they do.
- The beast within Bachi only mentioned a few times but has a major role in his ending and is one of his fatalities. Explore it more in the ending.
- Speaking of the ending, it needs to be tightened. How can he go back to his village if he’s 5000 years old? There’s a lot of repetition and it needs to be edited down.
Clyde:
Pros:
- Straight-forward character
- Nice and brutal, dirty fighting is used well.
- Fatality 2 is creative and suits the character to a tee. One of my favourites out of the 13 char
- Ending, if meant to be humourous, is funny. The gratuitous image of him standing on a mountain of bodies is so over the top that it makes me giggle.
Cons:
- Straight-forward character. Not much too him.
- Voodoo is mentioned but none of his moves take advantage of this.
- How did he kill 50 people and not get caught? Has more of a thug persona rather than criminal genius.
- Stryker never entered the Mortal Kombat tournament. He was dragged into the fight when Shao Kahn invaded in MK3.
- Moves and x-ray all sound the same. Crotch kick, choke, etc. Needs some variety.
- Ending, if meant to be taken seriously, does not work.
Eternus:
Pros:
- I love the metal armlets and anklets in his primary costume pic.
- Familiar moves make him a character that is easy to imagine playing as.
- Story is accessible, not overly complicated
- Fatalities are clever, but they could be reworded and edited a bit. I had to read both of them a few times to picture them.
Cons:
- His story is too simplistic. There’s nothing that makes him stand out.
- Being a mishmash of other characters (Scorpion, Shang-Tsung, Quan Chi) limits Eternus from having his own voice. Again, he just doesn’t stand out.
- If King Jerrod is his father, then Kitana would be his sister or half-sister. How does she feel about his existence? Why isn’t she mentioned in his bio or ending?
- Moves and x-ray should be named and should have a theme that make Eternus unique. It’s good to have takes on classic specials, but give them a little something more
Kimya:
Pros:
- Nice to have some representation from a place we haven’t really seen in MK, Africa
- Interesting mix of animal powers and Capoeira fighting style.
- Snake Trap move has potential and is unique
- The Swahili names used give more flavor to the character, wish you had a few more
- Has an animality as a fatality. Wish you had done more with the talking to animals theme.
Con:
- Animals do use body language to communicate but there are a lot of instances where they need to use their voices. Maybe have Kimya have a telepathic bond with the animals to get around this.
- Go into further detail of why he was selected by the Elder Gods to go to Orderrealm? Elaborate more on the incident with his family and Quan Chi. Same with his relationship with Hotaru. Everything is just so vague and not captivating.
- Kimya is too much of an African Tribesman stereotype: connection with nature, spiritual, dreads, covered with ancient tattoos, uses simple tools (the stake).
- Too many small details and none of them feel fleshed out. Mainly having no mouth and the communication with animals, knowing sign language. I’d say pick one or two and expand on them.
- Moveset doesn’t have anything special to it. Develop more moves that incorporate animals perhaps.
Komodo:
Pros:
- Strong character, feels like they would fit into the Mortal Kombat universe.
- Very interesting moveset that feels unique and would be very cool to use
- The switching of gender roles from the male to the female (male hides where females stalks) is a nice twist
- While the ending felt like one for Khameleon or Chameleon, the ambiguousness of what Komodo needs from Reptile leaves me wanting to know what it is.
- Great x-ray and some of the best fatalities of the 13 Entrants.
Cons:
- The bio is strong as a piece of fanfiction but like someone already said, it doesn’t quite work as an MK intro. Who is this rare collector of species? How does he fit into everything? Was he killed? He definitely didn’t feel like he fit MK.
- Description makes him/her a clone of Reptile/Chameleon/Khameleon but I think is saved a little by the whole changing sexes
- Again, ending could be more original.
- We don’t really know a lot about the creature. Does he/she talk? I he/she just a wild beast trying to survive?
- Moves, while cool, get a little complicated with only one gender being able to perform them (I think) and stuff like the screen flashing black or the opponent becoming poisoned.
Remember that time I promised to go through all of the 13 entrants and give constructive feedback? Yeah, seems like stuff like that takes a bit of time. So I've got through more than half so I'll post these now, and then the other 6 later. I've done them in alphabetical order.
Adsler:
Pros:
- Grim Reaper figure not really explored in MK universe so it’s a good angle.
- Strong description and realization of character: death masks, graceful female vessel, bones shifting inside
- Inside-Out Lunge is a cool move, would love to know what her innards look like though
- Very cool picture but it’s too small: I want to see more of the details!
- Fatality 1 is a good concept. Might want to explain how the camera captures all the details though.
- Ending short but it gives Adsler a future conflict. Not just, and then everything was solved.
Cons:
- Ancient race that is incredibly spiritual stereotype + Murians are mentioned once and then ignored. Would like a little more background.
- MK Universe already has a place for the dead, a heaven and hell. Neatherrealm is that place. You propose an even earlier resting spot for the dead. How does that take into account the realm of the Elder Gods, etc. Being an ancient race feels like a cop out.
- Physical description is overloaded and repetitive. Can be cut down. Adsler is compared to alabaster, artificial life, marble and a statue. Take out extraneous details like the tongue. Not used in a move, is it really necessary? Same can be said with the geometric angle you’ve chosen. Too many ideas.
- Rest of moveset and x-ray need some spicing up. What bones are being crunched in x-ray for example?
- Fatality 1 and 2 are too much the same.
- “The Order of Death has been corrected” after a victory. There is no death, no fatality. How have things been corrected?
- The word ‘lounge’ is used instead of the word ‘lunge’ twice and really sticks out
Alexandra:
Pros:
- Betrayal and conflicting feelings of motherland is a strong conflict
- Her role as a dumb-slaving gathering information is smart. I can see Kahn ranting to his slave girls about everything.
- Cool fighting style of gladiator type combat with Pankration even though the grapples and pressure points are underutilized
- Piano Fingers is a cool move but saying every pressure point is extreme and save the bone breaking for x-rays
- X-ray is a good showing of her gladiatorial ways. Especially like the shield hits.
- I like how she turns away the opportunity to be a hero in her ending. Greece is not a Monarchy though.
Cons:
- Timeline and Kahn’s ability to invade Earthrealm must be clarified. I read the bio many times and still could only guess when these events were supposed to take place. Paragraphs and editing down the bio would help. Also keep in mind that the first three games are set around our time and that Kahn was in place to conquer Earth 500 years ago before the Great Kung Lao foiled him. Also keep in mind the restrictions put on Kahn for invasion.
- Peter does not sound like an ancient Greek name. Petrus is the Greek equivalent.
- Already been brought up, but give a reason for Kahn focusing on mainly Greece. Maybe that’s where the portal opens from Outworld and where he starts.
- Kahn conquered Edenia, killed many and still took Kitana as his daughter. Why would he not do the same with Greece and Alexandra? Maybe use her divine beauty as a reason. I felt the Aphrodite angle was underutilized but had a lot of potential.
- The ghost training her and bringing her equipment didn’t feel right. Ghosts usually hang around a short period to give revelations. Maybe have the father show her where her people’s armour and weaponry are held within Kahn’s fortress and have her learn her battle skills from ancient instincts and watching many Mortal Kombat tournaments.
- Too many moves and too many similar moves (two projectiles, two sword slashes)
- Do not use notes after your bio. Work it into the story. And the fact that she absolutely only kills when necessary is contradictory to everything MK.
- Fatality 1 should kill opponent with the bear hug. More gruesome and interesting.
Bachi Li:
Pros:
- Guardians of Colour is an interesting idea. How the colour purple could be harnessed as powers (ie the colour red gives fire and rage poweres) should be explored more.
- Aikido is a good choice for complimentary fighting style for Bachi.
- Purple Rage is cool move, especially the enhanced version. I think 20-40 orbs are too many though.
- Fatality 2 has potential. If you feel that the power of purple is good for summoning weapons, you should expand on that more.
- I like the humour you try and put in with the ending taunt. However, the smiley in message does not fit the character at all.
Cons:
- Bachi Li does not sound like a Japanese name.
- His story needs to be fleshed out more. Why was he sent to Orderrealm for judgment? Why does Raiden, Liu Kang and Kung Lao suddenly befriend him? What about the other Guardians of Colour? It’d be interesting to hear about them.
- The theme of purple is too overbearing in his costume. It’s also strange that a Guardian of Colour is wearing jeans. Get rid of the question marks when describing the Japanese words and definitely get rid of the description of the character in MK Armageddon and Soul Calibur. It detracts from your description.
- Most of the moves are over-complicated and have way too many hits. Try to think of moves unique to the power of purple. The naming of moves also doesn’t correspond to what they do.
- The beast within Bachi only mentioned a few times but has a major role in his ending and is one of his fatalities. Explore it more in the ending.
- Speaking of the ending, it needs to be tightened. How can he go back to his village if he’s 5000 years old? There’s a lot of repetition and it needs to be edited down.
Clyde:
Pros:
- Straight-forward character
- Nice and brutal, dirty fighting is used well.
- Fatality 2 is creative and suits the character to a tee. One of my favourites out of the 13 char
- Ending, if meant to be humourous, is funny. The gratuitous image of him standing on a mountain of bodies is so over the top that it makes me giggle.
Cons:
- Straight-forward character. Not much too him.
- Voodoo is mentioned but none of his moves take advantage of this.
- How did he kill 50 people and not get caught? Has more of a thug persona rather than criminal genius.
- Stryker never entered the Mortal Kombat tournament. He was dragged into the fight when Shao Kahn invaded in MK3.
- Moves and x-ray all sound the same. Crotch kick, choke, etc. Needs some variety.
- Ending, if meant to be taken seriously, does not work.
Eternus:
Pros:
- I love the metal armlets and anklets in his primary costume pic.
- Familiar moves make him a character that is easy to imagine playing as.
- Story is accessible, not overly complicated
- Fatalities are clever, but they could be reworded and edited a bit. I had to read both of them a few times to picture them.
Cons:
- His story is too simplistic. There’s nothing that makes him stand out.
- Being a mishmash of other characters (Scorpion, Shang-Tsung, Quan Chi) limits Eternus from having his own voice. Again, he just doesn’t stand out.
- If King Jerrod is his father, then Kitana would be his sister or half-sister. How does she feel about his existence? Why isn’t she mentioned in his bio or ending?
- Moves and x-ray should be named and should have a theme that make Eternus unique. It’s good to have takes on classic specials, but give them a little something more
Kimya:
Pros:
- Nice to have some representation from a place we haven’t really seen in MK, Africa
- Interesting mix of animal powers and Capoeira fighting style.
- Snake Trap move has potential and is unique
- The Swahili names used give more flavor to the character, wish you had a few more
- Has an animality as a fatality. Wish you had done more with the talking to animals theme.
Con:
- Animals do use body language to communicate but there are a lot of instances where they need to use their voices. Maybe have Kimya have a telepathic bond with the animals to get around this.
- Go into further detail of why he was selected by the Elder Gods to go to Orderrealm? Elaborate more on the incident with his family and Quan Chi. Same with his relationship with Hotaru. Everything is just so vague and not captivating.
- Kimya is too much of an African Tribesman stereotype: connection with nature, spiritual, dreads, covered with ancient tattoos, uses simple tools (the stake).
- Too many small details and none of them feel fleshed out. Mainly having no mouth and the communication with animals, knowing sign language. I’d say pick one or two and expand on them.
- Moveset doesn’t have anything special to it. Develop more moves that incorporate animals perhaps.
Komodo:
Pros:
- Strong character, feels like they would fit into the Mortal Kombat universe.
- Very interesting moveset that feels unique and would be very cool to use
- The switching of gender roles from the male to the female (male hides where females stalks) is a nice twist
- While the ending felt like one for Khameleon or Chameleon, the ambiguousness of what Komodo needs from Reptile leaves me wanting to know what it is.
- Great x-ray and some of the best fatalities of the 13 Entrants.
Cons:
- The bio is strong as a piece of fanfiction but like someone already said, it doesn’t quite work as an MK intro. Who is this rare collector of species? How does he fit into everything? Was he killed? He definitely didn’t feel like he fit MK.
- Description makes him/her a clone of Reptile/Chameleon/Khameleon but I think is saved a little by the whole changing sexes
- Again, ending could be more original.
- We don’t really know a lot about the creature. Does he/she talk? I he/she just a wild beast trying to survive?
- Moves, while cool, get a little complicated with only one gender being able to perform them (I think) and stuff like the screen flashing black or the opponent becoming poisoned.
Wow thanks for the advice about Alexandra! This is the most constructive criticism I'v read on here! I'll be making some major changes to Alexandra after the tournament! Thanks alot!
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eliblue Wrote:
Wow thanks for the advice about Alexandra! This is the most constructive criticism I'v read on here! I'll be making some major changes to Alexandra after the tournament! Thanks alot!
,
Wow thanks for the advice about Alexandra! This is the most constructive criticism I'v read on here! I'll be making some major changes to Alexandra after the tournament! Thanks alot!
You're very welcome. I'll be finishing the other 6 before the contest ends tomorrow. I will post my whole series of pros and cons for all 13 characters on the voting page once I have my picks.
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eliblue Wrote:
This is to Lycan iLLusion: hmmmm not sure..but I mean if there's a BIG confusion that everyones pointing out, you should explain yourself so people aren't confused. That's what most people would do if their story needs a little clarification. What's your characters name? :)
This is to Lycan iLLusion: hmmmm not sure..but I mean if there's a BIG confusion that everyones pointing out, you should explain yourself so people aren't confused. That's what most people would do if their story needs a little clarification. What's your characters name? :)
Her name is Luna. Same sound as tuna but with an L lol. Geez now I want a tuna sandwich
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