MORTAL KOMBAT SPECIAL FORCES
SEKTOR SEVEN: CYBER KOMBAT
CHAPTER 2: THE BRIEFING
Location: Special Forces HQ main gate.
The van pulled up to the main gate and the new space pirate guards said ID sir. Crimson D. displayed his S7 ID badge and they opened the forcefield gate and shut off the laser grid. After going through 2 more gates they reached the main complex.
"Pretty impressive security measures you got here" one of the men said to Crimson D.. "When did all this new stuff get installed?" he asked Crimson D.. "2 years ago when Sektor seven and the space pirates set up shop here we added two more security perimeters. We also upgraded the current security systems so you will find some new doors and things too." Crimson D. replied.
Location: Sektor Seven Cyber Security Division.
After taking the elevator to sektor seven HQ, then via the skyway transit system that connects the major parts of the massive underground facility they arrived at the cyber division.
Crimson D. leads the men in black to a stairwell and down 30 stories to a large security door. A lit up sign that shows the S7 emblem with the words SECURITY ACCESS LEVEL 4 at the bottom is next to the door. A hole inside the wall has a large touch screen console with the emblem displayed on it.
Crimson D. swiped his badge through the slot causing the console to beep. The on screen emblem slides down revealing a complex mutating crypto code lock with a keypad on the other side. Crimson D. inputs a 8 digit code and the console confirms it with a rapid beeping noise. It then makes a werring noise as the emblem slides up again.
The 12 large bolts in the door slide away from the door with a quiet pneumatic hiss and the large door slid open with an mechanical werring noise. The door slid shut as soon as they all entered the room and the bolts slid back into place.
The sounds of computers working and the chatter of technicians filled the room. The place is a massive control center with the large main screen completely covering the wall of this colossal chamber. Multiple desks with fancy computers dotted the room. A office overlooking the control center contains the head technician known as jabba because he never gets up from his chair and snacks a lot. The large wall screen shows numerous windows and programs opening, closing, moving, and running.
The men in black brought Crimson D. to Jax who was talking with some technicians. While others were trying unsuccessfully to access the system. The screens flashing "ACCESS DENIED!" showed their futile attempts. "He is here." one said. "Thank you" said Jax. "So what's this all about? Why did you have to send an escort?" Crimson D. asked. "I was afraid that someone would try to kill you. This is a very sensitive situation and we suspect that someone in our ranks is responsible." Jax replied.
"I read the file. Who caused this attack on our systems? No hacker I know could have caused this much damage in this much time." said Crimson D.. "I am afraid things are a little more complicated that. Are you aware of a daemon Crimson D.?" asked Jax. "Yes what about it?" he replied.
"Our systems were invaded by a daemon. An AI computer virus. It invaded the whole system and crashed the entire network." said Jax as he showed him the network map in a window on the main screen and ran a program. "This is a security log of the infection. I am replaying it for you to see how fast this bug is."
During the first 10 min. of the log half of the network was already red. "What it managed to infect half the network in 10 min.!?!." said a shocked Crimson D.. "Yes and this is 15 min. prior to the infection." said Jax. The whole network turned red. Crimson D.s jaw dropped all the way to the floor.
"I have never seen anything like this. The only way to stop it is to go to each network hub and erase the virus manually. That would take months to do." exclaimed Crimson D.. Suddenly a green hole appeared on the floor with a "bzzzorp" and Cyrax popped out of it along with a few 1s and 0s. "Hey guys." he said "I was exploring cyberspace and found Onaga controlling the data flow to this hub.".
"That's impossible. There is no way Onaga can control net traffic in cyberspace itself let alone figure out how to get into cyberspace." exclaimed Crimson D.. "It's not just Onaga, Shao Kahn has the space pirates hub, Blaze the sektor seven hub, Shang Tsung the takunin, and the list goes on." said Cyrax.
To be continued...
Author's Remarks: | |
this one has some good descriptions of the facility and plot line exeapt one other element which will be revealed later in the next cahpter.
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Content | 804 words | Category | Other | User Views | |
User Likes | User Ratings | 6 | Score | 1.0 |
"If it is alive it can feel pain. If it has eyes it can see it own suffering. If it has blood you can make it bleed. If it has a mouth you can make it scream." Darth i forgot his name.
"Thats the best thing about you humans. You bleed." a tarkatan warrior.
The idea is dull.
The detail is bland and missing in the places there should be detail
The name Crimson D. was used way to many times, learn to use your he's, she's, and they's but also learn how to break them up
Even chapters have a mini plot, or a chapter plot to them... this had nothing. While reading it I compared it to a run on sentence. Even though you used periods throughout it was boring to read and lacked grammatical structure.
Please just take this input and use it in the future, no need to start any arguments or anything.
More spelling issues, use a spell check next time, better than yet, use Microsoft Word to fix all of your errors.
Lastly, I have a feeling this was taken from another video game only having you change up a few things here and there to make it somewhat "Mortal Kombat-ish."
With that being said, we need a lot more details now with regards to so many characters and how you've established them. For starters, why is the Tekunin working with the OIA Special Forces and the Emperor of Outworld? You never established how or why these groups now work together. Are they all being run by the Tekunin? Also, now I'm really confused based on the conflicting descriptions you have for Crimson, what is he supposed to be? He has memories of being a human Samurai, but is currently a cybernetic Space Pirate and is capable of eating?
"If it is alive it can feel pain. If it has eyes it can see it own suffering. If it has blood you can make it bleed. If it has a mouth you can make it scream." Darth i forgot his name.
"Thats the best thing about you humans. You bleed." a tarkatan warrior.
but these was the best descriptions i could come up with for now. these were descriptons i used fot stuff i have seen in movies and in real life. so i tried to make a mental picture while describing the content. thats how i get my inspiration for these.
but if i can should i hire a ghostwriter? because not a whole lot of people seem to like my works.
thats odd cuz i triple checked my spelling before i sent it and word said it was all good.
but these was the best descriptions i could come up with for now. these were descriptons i used fot stuff i have seen in movies and in real life. so i tried to make a mental picture while describing the content. thats how i get my inspiration for these.
but if i can should i hire a ghostwriter? because not a whole lot of people seem to like my works.
What exactly do you mean by ghostwriter?
"If it is alive it can feel pain. If it has eyes it can see it own suffering. If it has blood you can make it bleed. If it has a mouth you can make it scream." Darth i forgot his name.
"Thats the best thing about you humans. You bleed." a tarkatan warrior.
Crimson D. is a samurai who underwent exeperiments to regenerate his body when he was almost dead during his life as a samurai. he decided on a few modifacations to himself while he was being repaired.
also a ghostwriter is a secret auther who writes for authers who have ideas but cant write. so you tell them the idea and they will put it on paper. these people made ny times best seller material. so it is the best way to go if suck at writing. however you are still the auther of your story but you did not write it youeself the ghostwriter did. so that why they call them ghostwriters cuz they are secret to everyone else but the auther.
plot hole filling time. when the space pirates landed on the realms, secret peace treatys were signed by all of the organizations that have the ability to create hi tech facilitys.
Why would any of them need secret peace treaties to build high-tech facilities? The Tekunin and OIA had no problems making their own, and Shao Kahn never needed anything high-tech thanks to the powerful magic he and his sorcerers could manipulate. Also, what would the Space Pirates gain from having all these organizations unite under one banner of peace?
Crimson D. is a samurai who underwent exeperiments to regenerate his body when he was almost dead during his life as a samurai. he decided on a few modifacations to himself while he was being repaired.
So he did this thousands of years prior to any real medical advancements in science were made to become a human-alien-machine?
SektorSeven... why would you hire a Ghostwriter to post something on a MK Fan Submission board? No one here is going to buy your work. No body here cares enough to read these ideas properly written or not. Hell, if you added Bill Cosby into the mix things would probably be more interesting.
You don't need a ghost writer. Simply put, what you need is to think before you write. Remember your three lines to writing,
PLOT-LINE
OUT-LINE
TIME-LINE
Plotline and outline are sort of the same but the plot line should be much more to the point. Your timeline should help with your ideas and how they are presented. Each chapter should have some buildup, and either some answers or cliff hangers to keep us reading. What you have now is.... well .... none of this.
Now, if everybody would just go check out my Kabal Fatality Fake, I would be a happy camper.
Kung Lao/Smoke main. Maker of puns and bad jokes.
That's odd, because i triple checked my spelling before i sent it and Word said it was all good.
...*facepalm* grammar is not the same thing as spelling, grammar is kind of an umbrella term that encompasses sentence structure, punctuation, and spelling, among other things, and you have...1/3 on this piece.
also...you put your trust in a Computer Program? That only works if the programs name is Tron, and if you are in a movie(for the most part)
Now, if everybody would just go check out my Kabal Fatality Fake, I would be a happy camper.
Though you are giving a lot of valid advice, please don't advertise your own works in another's thread, as that's disrespectful.
"If it is alive it can feel pain. If it has eyes it can see it own suffering. If it has blood you can make it bleed. If it has a mouth you can make it scream." Darth i forgot his name.
"Thats the best thing about you humans. You bleed." a tarkatan warrior.
Kung Lao/Smoke main. Maker of puns and bad jokes.
2 words: Alien Abduction.
I'm leaving this alone, goodbye
"If it is alive it can feel pain. If it has eyes it can see it own suffering. If it has blood you can make it bleed. If it has a mouth you can make it scream." Darth i forgot his name.
"Thats the best thing about you humans. You bleed." a tarkatan warrior.
the plot will thicken in the next chapter. which will be up very soon.
also we use the treatys to expand our capabilitys and broaden our scientific knowledge of the universes. and the more allied forces the better.
Yes, because acquiring scientific knowledge about the universe is exactly the kind of thing the Space Pirates and Shao Kahn are known for, and would definitely discuss the advancements they would make together over tea and crumpets while Scorpion belly-danced in front of them using his H4X powers.
Yeah, wow.
"If it is alive it can feel pain. If it has eyes it can see it own suffering. If it has blood you can make it bleed. If it has a mouth you can make it scream." Darth i forgot his name.
"Thats the best thing about you humans. You bleed." a tarkatan warrior.
Go back to the drawing boards. Tell the story to you Mom, Pops, or even the dog and get approval before you post it here. I don't know how old you are and it shouldn't matter, but I can sense immaturity from both you "Stories" and from your comments. You seem to have a hard tome separating yourself from what is reality and what is not. This isn't always a bad thing as it has led to some really great stories by some really great authors, however as of this far everyone is trying to tell you that you do not have a great story and you are not a great author.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE... go back to the drawing board on this before you lose that last fiber of dignity.
Thank You.