intro

I think the intro was pretty well done. I don't think Onaga should've just let Shujinko go as you'd think he'd be a nuisance to him. I think that instead of just letting him escape, Shujinko would do something to give himself the time needed to retreat and gain help.

Liu Kang

I think it's ok. There are some things I would like to note.

-First off, I noticed you said "Instead the Shaolin Temples...". I think you need to change instead to inside and maybe temples to temple.

-I think Liu Kang should've said something different when noticing Raiden's new look.

-Raiden shouldn't have told Liu Kang of his motives for Shujinko so soon. Instead, he should be talking to Liu Kang about Onaga and coming up with a plan to take him down.

Kung Lao

I like this one more than Liu Kang's. There are a couple of things or so I feel I should note.

-I think you should take out the word "spar" in the part in which you talk about Kung Lao and Ermac grappling each other. They aren't sparring at all.

-I think Kung Lao talking about his desire to retire shouldn't be there, because I think it should be brought up a bit later, but more so, he should already know of the threat of Onaga and be willing to help despite not wanting to fight.

I guess that's all for now.

Noob Saibot

Origin: Netherrealm
Alignment: Evil
Allies: Frost, Brotherhood of Shadow
Foes: Scorpion, Sub-Zero, Ashrah

(In the Netherrealm, Noob Saibot and Smoke begin constructing new cyborgs while Sub-Zero hides from view. Smoke sees him, quickly disappearing, he catches Sub-Zero off guard and gets him into a hold. Noob turns around in curiosity to see Smoke holding Sub-Zero)

Sub-Zero: Smoke! What are you doing!

Noob Saibot: Wait… I know you… (realizes who he is…) are you…? It has to be!

Sub-Zero: What the hell are you talking about?

Noob Saibot: (he laughs a bit) It’s been a while hasn’t it… little brother?

Sub-Zero: WHAT?

Noob Saibot: There’s still a bit of a resemblance between us. Hmm, anyway it doesn’t really matter does it?

Sub-Zero: Why did you call me brother?

Noob Saibot: (laughs) You mean you don’t know? (Inspects him) You have carried on the Sub-Zero legacy quite well. You’re far more powerful than I was during my time as a Lin Kuei.

Sub-Zero: WHAT? You mean…

Noob Saibot: Yes… I am your older brother.

(Sub-Zero is at a loss for words, it takes some time for him to find the words to speak)

Sub-Zero: But… but… Raiden told me Scorpion killed you!

Noob Saibot: Yes, but I also killed Scorpion did I not? If he could still exist beyond death then so could I.

Sub-Zero: How?

Noob Saibot: Thanks to Shinnok and Quan Chi of course. They gave me a new body.

Sub-Zero: Quan Chi? But you…

Noob Saibot: Amazing isn’t it? Those who were once your enemies can sometimes become your allies.

Sub-Zero: Brother… why are you doing this? What…?

Noob Saibot: You always were naà ̄ve… why do you think Father choose me? Because I was destined for something much greater than what our mother would’ve offered us. Ironically, I did not realize this destiny until after my death. I owe Scorpion some gratitude really.

Sub-Zero: You killed him in cold blood!

Noob Saibot: What would you have done then? What if you were in my place that night when I killed Scorpion? Would you have been any different?

Sub-Zero: I respected you brother… but now you’ve become the very thing you once fought against! You disgust me!

Noob Saibot: (he ignores this comment and walks forward) Smoke, assist me in killing him.

Sub-Zero: What?

Noob Saibot: This will be my first act as ruler of the Netherrealm.

Sub-Zero: You’re insane! You want to rule this place? A dead realm?

Noob Saibot: (ignores him, but suddenly Smoke stops) What is it Smoke?

Smoke: Mal… mal…

Noob Saibot: What?

Smoke: Malfunction…malfunction (he starts yelling in pain as he drops to his knees, Sub-Zero is able to get free. Suddenly a few more flashes of light, Smoke falls to the ground, deactivated. Sub-Zero gives a stunned reaction.)

Noob Saibot: Hmm… I guess I didn’t take away all of that robot’s free will. What a waste.

(Sub-Zero gets up and starts to attack Noob. However Noob easily throws him off and strikes him twice knocking him to his knee.)

Noob Saibot: I always was the better fighter. (They both prepare to continue the battle, however an unknown figure appears suddenly, they both turn to see Ashrah standing there, who draws her kriss.)

Ashrah: (To Sub-Zero) You had best leave. (She turns to Noob, Sub-Zero gives a slight nod and runs off, but not without picking up Smoke’s lifeless body, Ashrah and Noob fix each other down…)







Scorpion

Origin: Earthrealm
Alignment: Neutral
Allies: The Elder Gods, Sub-Zero
Foes: Quan Chi, Noob Saibot, Moloch and Drahmin

(Scorpion stands on top of a cliff in Outworld, in deep thought… we see a house in rural Japan, inside we a beautiful wife and a young child, who’s gender is unknown. We see this from Scorpion’s eyes as he walks into the house, looking at his beautiful wife, suddenly a large blast breaks open the door and we see a shadowy figure enter the room. Laughing as he does so, he shoots two skulls at Scorpion’s wife and child. Scorpion’s head turns where he sees his wife and child struck by them. Scorpion lets out a yell of horror and reaches for his wife, however he can only look into her eyes as she dies. Scorpion turns his head, where he sees Quan Chi walking towards him, laughing as he does so. Suddenly Quan Chi transforms into… the older Sub-Zero, who reaches down, grabs Scorpion’s throat and you can hear a horrible tear as Scorpion’s view goes up much higher…)

Scorpion: (snaps out of it) The same dream… again…

(Scorpion turns to leave, but then he sees a black ninja standing in front of him, Noob Saibot)

Noob Saibot: I’ve finally found you… we meet again… Scorpion.

Scorpion: (not sure what to make of this) Just who the hell are you…?

Noob Saibot: Come now… surely you remember your old ally?

Scorpion: Ally…? (remembers) Yes, I did see with Shinnok all those years ago. I don’t know your name and quite frankly I don’t care and unless you have anything I’d want to know, get out of my way.

Noob Saibot: (laughs) Yes, I remember seeing you there as well. You were the only who didn’t follow Shinnok’s orders.

Scorpion: No one tells me what to do. I do things my way, even when I’m working for somebody else.

Noob Saibot: (chuckles) You haven’t changed a bit. You’re still a stubborn bastard.

Scorpion: What?

Noob Saibot: Come now… we met before then… you remember… on Shang Tsung’s island at the tournament…?

Scorpion: (eyes widen in shock)

Noob Saibot: Yes, I am the man you killed. I am the Sub-Zero who took your life!

Scorpion: What? How the…? (confused Scorpion takes a few steps back)

Noob Saibot: It was rather amusing, after my death at your hand… I became what you see before you by Quan Chi and Shinnok… while you went off to chase my little brother, I became a loyal servant for them. Watching you constantly be manipulated by the sorcerer was very amusing actually.

Scorpion: (clearly angry, Scorpion prepares to attack)

Noob Saibot: I did not come to fight Scorpion, I merely wish to make you an offer…

Scorpion: Sub-Zero…

Noob Saibot: My name is no longer Sub-Zero. I am now Noob Saibot!

Scorpion: (taken aback) How the hell did you get a stupid name like that?

Noob Saibot: (ignores this comment) You are a specter, I am a wraith. That is where our differences end… you should join my new army Scorpion… we are both hellspawn warriors, we are both evenly matched… I was an assassin, you were an assassin albeit of different clans. I killed you, you killed me. We are the same Scorpion… join me and we will conquer all! We will rule the Netherrealm!

Scorpion: (shocked, but then angered) You really are insane.

Noob Saibot: You created me!

Scorpion: And now I wish I didn’t! If I was the one who created you… then I must be the one to destroy you! We will fight one last time wraith and it will be the last!

Noob Saibot: So be it. But you had your chance. (shakes his head) Decided to play the hero eh? Well… that’s a first. I can’t say I see a hellspawn being a “good guyâ€?.

Scorpion: I’m not exactly a good guy either…

Noob Saibot: Well we agree on something at least…

Scorpion: You did not kill my family… if I had known then, you would not be what you are today… I…

Noob Saibot: Save the challenge for later… I wish to see your face when you watch my army conquer all and I, I will become the supreme ruler of all realms, even the Elder Gods will fear me!

Scorpion: You’re just like Quan Chi.

Noob Saibot: Well, I’m not like you. (he jumps away to form a clear distance between them) Unlike you… I’m proud of what I’ve come to be… I really ought to thank you.

Scorpion: You’re not going anywhere… (launches spear)

Noob Saibot: (jumps through a portal before the spear hits.)

Scorpion: (recalls spear) Damn…

(Scorpion goes into deep thought, a look of guilt on his face, finally he resolves himself)

Scorpion: I’m not sure if the Elder Gods will like it, but I can’t ignore this… (looks up and sees a mystical portal to the distance which the player would recognize as the one Shang Tsung and Quan Chi used in Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance)


Before anyone says so... yes Scorpion did fight a representation (or an image I forget) of his worst enemy, I don't know if that would be Noob or Quan Chi but he won, ok I'll just put that to rest... he won.

I think they're both pretty good. I don't think Noob should say he wants to rule all the realms.

I really liked reading your intro ideas. Specially the whole flashbacks of how the heroes were defeated. Good job!

As for the bios, they are pretty cool. Keep writting.

OK here is the current list of characters so far... (The only problem is I suck with creating new ones...)

Playable from the start:

Liu Kang
Kung Lao
Scorpion
Sub-Zero
Johnny Cage
Kitana
Jax
Sektor
Sareena
Shujinko
Jade
Kabal
Kenshi
Havik
Mileena
Noob Saibot
Ermac
Darrius
Nitara
Sindel
Quan Chi
Shang Tsung
Kira
(Um I guess that's it for now, more later)

Secret Characters:
Cyrax
Smoke
Khameleon
Raiden (He's also the sub-boss of the game)
Fujin
Sonya
Frost
Mavado
Goro
Shao Kahn
Shinnok


Possible characters:
Rain
Tanya
Kano
Nightwolf
Blaze

Characters who won't appear
Reptile (only because it's impossible)
Stryker
Hsu Hao
Motaro
Sheeva

I'm missing characters, but if you encourage me to use them I might.

Hmm, that's a pretty good list you got there. Like I said to you before, I would like to see Dairou in there, especially since you're going to have Darrius.

The ideas are good, except the dialog needs work, its was bit corny. Plus you can't have them revieling to much to each other. We need the mystery!

This is the only thing i disagree


Noob Saibot: I always was the better fighter. (They both prepare to continue the battle, however an unknown figure appears suddenly, they both turn to see Ashrah standing there, who draws her kriss.)

Ashrah: (To Sub-Zero) You had best leave. (She turns to Noob, Sub-Zero gives a slight nod and runs off, but not without picking up Smoke’s lifeless body, Ashrah and Noob fix each other down...)

I'd like to think that Subzero would tell Ashrah to piss off, this is his fight!