My opinions in Bold.

Stryker - Recruted by kabal, the black dragon will be influencual to this game. So anyway he's recruited by kabal to increase the black dragons position. weapon - steelstick (night stick made of steel_

Kabal magically found Stryker and decided to recruit him because? Need more details, like what Stryker's been doing all this time.

Rain - enraged by the return of kahn finally will seek his vengence. Also was found by sub-zero and forms the new lin lue under the instruction of grand master sub zero

Again, where's Rain all this time? How and where did he encounter Sub-Zero? What would make him actually join the Lin Kuei when he could just ask Sub-Zero for help?

kabal - to iprove blak dragon

Same costumes? Your creativity's spectacular. His bio's also an improvement, he went from wanting to improve he Black Dragon to "iproving blak dragon". Sounds like a fun clan.

kira-

Same costumes again? Wow. I also like her story, it's as interesting as Kabal's was.

goro - to help kahn

Keep these bios coming they're the best and most creative I've ever seen.[/lie]

Kahn - to control the nexus along with other realms

No costume suggestions like the rest? At least be consistent. His story's also an improvement to his original "controlling all the realms".[/lie]

sektor- to kill sub zero

No mention of the Tekunin, nor the conquering of Japan? At least give him a new weapon.

khameleon - to ressurect reptile's physical bod and make him full human with reptalian abilities

Reptile was never human.

Human reptile- to ressurect his long forgotten race and rule with khameleon as king and queen reptile will know what it is to be without a master and a ruler.

Why is he human?

Sheeva - to kill goro and kahn for discrasing he shokan race by allowing the centaur motaro to ally with shokan forces.

Assuming Goro and Kahn's MKD storylines are canon, the Centaurs are no longer in Kahn's favour, and we all know that Motaro's dead because of Sheeva.

Humansmoke - soul returned from the destuction of tsung and granted to him by the new lin kue smoke pledes his life to the new lin kuei

Shang Tsung NEVER captured Smoke's soul, so what does his destruction have to do with Smoke being alive? Also, how does he meet up with Sub-Zero? Magic? Besides, his cyborg body WAS his human body, so his soul would have to go there.

drhamin in his new form unsure of what his story will be.

So why'd you mention him? At least think up a story before you bring him into the thread.

baraka - same

Same comments for Drahmin.

among many others i havent decided .Is their anyone else you would like to add or fit with my story line?

Spell-check, add more details to ALL the bios, and either make new costumes for all the characters (normal and alternates), or don't bother mentioning them. Also, make stories for all the characters you mention, don't just put their names in without anything more than "New form" and "same".

tahnx for the witty answers i was i kinda in a huury to get my idea out there. i was hoping people like ypu wouldn't post shit here so let me sum it up.......these are rough ideas. Quick thoughts if you don't like them don't post. its a waste. if you do than post. Talk shit threads slow down the w/e the outcome of the idea may be.

Why were you in a hurry to post your ideas? Do you have deadlines to fulfill? If you want your ideas to be received well, you have to start by presenting them well. It shows that what you wrote was a rush-job, and in that situation, shouldn't have been posted at all. Nobody will take your ideas seriously if you can't even spell the most basic words or form proper sentences.

If you're going to post biographies that are comparable to the ones that are already posted in this forum, you have to take it more seriously. Rush-jobs, rough work, and unfinished ideas are the wrong way to do this. You want to do this the right way? Write your biographies in Word, spell-ceck constantly, and save it so that you can add ideas to it later. Post your finished work or receive negative criticism for it.

Also, this is a public forum, if you're going to post here, you have to remember that people who like your idea and don't like your idea will post a response. What I posted is practically nothing compared to the slaughters I've witnessed since I've been here, and what you'll probably experience if you continue making threads like this.

I'll give you more advice; one-line biographies are terrible, especially for characters who've been gone for a long time. Biographies that have goals that are too simple are boring (examples of this include simple revenge plots and pointless alliances). There's nothing wrong with adding details; in fact, a lot of people (like myself) want a LOT of details about the long-gone characters. If you're using a format like oyurs, it should be the same throughout, not used for the first five biographies, and used only in part for the rest.

If you can't accept anything that I just wrote, then I suggest you not bother continuing with these biographies.

As a matter of fact i was in a hurry mid way through this form I was informed my uncle was in the hospital and finished when i got home. I was so depressed I finnished it as best as i could but it felt pointless. However I got half- way through so i figured i would finnish it. Also I relize it is a public for and its your opinon that you did not like my submission however if you didn't like it why would you take the time you did to assure me your an ass. And your tellin'me that you can't excuse a mispelling and have to point them out to me. It's your right, but why do it. Don't try to tell me you never mispelled anything before, thats just hipocritical. Sure you can say what you want, but it doesn't mean there are common laws of manors. A simple fix this or try this would have done fine. My point is yea maybe I should have made it better and if you like i will. But people like you on this site continue to look at the negative points instead of hte posatives. I have seen your previous posts. By know means am I angry with you I just think certain things don't have to be said, I will restate anything you like ..... i apologize for the rushed post even thought. All i'm saying is every argument has two sides you're 100% right and im 100% right so why tell me wht you didn't like in such great detail. Just to get me going or what. It was and idea that i will fix but please don't try to make me look ignorant beacuase there is no need to. I see people dissing people all the time its just a waste. All you gotta do is make your point. Not tell me a story. (the only way I could adress this however was to post this long message).

If you couldn't put your heart into completing the biographies because of your uncle's condition, you probably shouldn't have bothered posting them, and saved them to write for another day. If you don't feel like what you're doing is important at the time, save it for later.

Why am I being an ass about this? In all honesty, I don't know, maybe I've gotten accustomed to correcting so many pages of work from students, it's made me a bit irritable to see someone not spelling words like "black" properly. It could also be that I take writing fiction stories seriously (I've made my own biographies as you can see in my sig), and what you presented wasn't nearly as good as it should've been. I took the time to show you the faults of your work so that you can see what you need to improve on, that way when you edit your work, you'll take what I said into account. You are right though, I shouldn't have been nearly as harsh to you as I was.

I've made my share of spelling mistakes, anyone can see that, but how many you made in that post was just too infuriating to me (I'm becoming an English teacher by the way, so I take grammar seriously). Whenever I do catch a spelling mistake though, I edit my post (unless it was already quoted, then I don't bother).

I hate to break it to you, but your biographies broke no new ground, and didn't add any neat twists whatsoever, that is why I didn't write anything positive about them; I didn't like your work.

As I mentioned in my previous long post, I'm all about details. I'm the kind of guy who takes attention to every slight detail I can see. If I see something wrong that I think should be fixed, I'll write that it should be fixed. I also come off as a very blunt person, so you'll have to excue me on that, I'm just terrible at sugar-coating what I believe needs to be fixed. I didn't do this just to get you going, it's how I am.

If you do improve your work, don't think that I won't give you praise for it. I'm not the kind of guy who magnifies only the faults, I also magnify the good I see. Fix up your work, and I'll gladly look at it again and give you another opinion. Remember my suggestions, and any other ones you read while you're here.

One more thing; all my points are long. I can't change that.

Note: Some of these things were never stated I made certain things happen to fit in with the story. However they do not go AGAINST the story of any character to my knowledge. If any do please inform me.


Any way I thought the black dragon could play a big part in this game. kabals ending is not however canon. Instead He and Kobra return to Earthrealm in Search For new members. So we will see the return of Curtis Stryker. He has been protecting a large city like he said he was going to. Kabal offered to help with this and gave Stryker the ability to try to look for more "soldiers". Meanwhile Subzero's ending is canon. He won the battle against the tarkata but is limping away. As he walks the humidity of the dense forest air thickens and a mist covers the surface of the earth. The edinian orphan rain is wandering keepng a watchful eye on sub. Quickly sub zero's armor detects someone of the long forgotten people of subzero's and that is Rain. Sub-zero quickly spots him. Rain explained that his orgins are unknown to him and on a hunch sub zero offerd to help the nomad ninja, much like subzero once was. A quick confrontation leads to the conclusion of rain's training with sub zero.He will start were his ancestors left off. A new lin kuei is in order. When noob's plan to catch and kill his brother Sub zero was apparent to smoke his cybernetic body had some soul left and could not allow the death of his old friend and smoke turned on noob. smoke was vitorious. Smoke than set out to find sub zero and join the new Lin kuei. when smoke's soul was automized it retreated to the soul tombs were smoke will asks subzero's help to get it back. However the Master of cold is not the only one which lurks in the forest. Chameleon has heard of the constant fighting between well.... everyone and decides while everyone else is fighting and eventually worn out she will make her move. However she will need her clan. Her clan has been thought to of been extinct. Shao kahn knows the truth out of compassion for her former clan she sets out with a unkown to the death place of reptile shinnock fore saw the coming of this chameleon and decided to help for the sake of kahns destruction reptiles body has been torn. Shinnock used his evil nether realm magic (vodoo related) to temporarily bring back reptile. Since reptiles body was destroyed shinnock fused the soul with a dead brothers of the shadow meber transforming the combination of both into nija reptile. In order to keep this physical form reptile must sacrifice the one known Shao kahn to the nether realm beast know as melich. The last survivor of a pure hell spawned race with prime ape features but hellish behaviours. This one particular was the proud pet of lucifer. Before cerberous. Sheeva also has joined forces with Kahn to make sure his protection is held beacause if kahn falls the extinction of the shokan race is very possible.

Jerrod i relize your point. It does make sence to me and I dont see why this childish argument between us should go on. I apologize. But i would like to point out how we are both right at the same time. If i have to take more time to improve my grammar and think more carefully( which I usually do) maybe you should take the time to relize everything is not going to be corrected just for you and a remark is going to change that. Unless of course you talking about students. But do you see what i just did. I pointed out your fault and my own a it can go on forever which is why i would again like to apologize for using laguange that shouldn't have been used and would like to end this stupid online geek fight.


Now ...... whats wrong with my updated story(

What you just wrote is a true improvement. It clears up everything that you had not made clear in your first post. Good job.

I suggest you edit your post and seperate the specific character stories into different blocks, to make it easier to read.



Things that go against the story;
-Sub-Zero was never considered a nomadic ninja.

-Rain couldn't have been a descendant of Sub-Zero's people because his people had a mastery of the cold, which Rain does not.

-A soul isn't like a cup of water, in which you can't have a bit of your soul inside; you either do, or you don't. A better word to use might've been "good" instead. Also, his soul remained within his body, unlike Cyrax and Sektor, so it couldn't have been sent to the Soul Chamber.

-The spelling of Chameleon/Khameleon is very important; "K" is a girl, while "C" is a guy, so you have to keep that in mind.

-Shao Kahn showing compassion for Khameleon seems unlikely, as during the events of MK3-MKT, she was with the Earthrealm warriors.

-Sheeva's dead; she was killed by Shao Kahn himself.

-Lucifer is dead; although not widely known (unless you had the MKM:SZ manual), he was killed by Shinnok in a war in the Netherealm.