The Origin of a Ninja
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07/12/2011 12:02 AM (UTC)by
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Chimera
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Member Since
10/09/2008 12:18 AM (UTC)
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Jiro
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Kung Lao/Smoke main. Maker of puns and bad jokes.

07/02/2009 12:50 AM (UTC)
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interesting concept, most of the cyborg ninjas have never really had an in depth look into their history, so it seems a welcome change of pace, it's also an interesting idea that Sektor gave the Grandmaster the idea of automation. overall, it's wonderful, so:


5/5
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Chimera
08/22/2009 12:02 PM (UTC)
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not alot would read the whole thing so here's a summary:

Japanese robotics guy gets assassinated by Shirai Ryu and nearly all his works are destroyed. Son vows revenge. Son goes to China to become Lin Kuei. Quan Chi killed the Shirai Ryu in Mythologies so Guy needs to find a cause. He remebers that not everything was destroyed. He gives the Lin Kuei grandmaster the idea of automation and willingly becomes the first Cyborg
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GrotesquetheBeast
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I need a new sig, something with Kabal from UMK3 would be sweet. Just imagine that here
08/24/2009 02:20 AM (UTC)
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you should stretch out your pacing more, add more details. overall, it's an intresting concept, I just feel it could be fleshed out alot better.

3/5

-GTB
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SEGAmaniac7
08/24/2009 03:02 AM (UTC)
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Chimera Wrote:
not alot would read the whole thing so here's a summary:

Japanese robotics guy gets assassinated by Shirai Ryu and nearly all his works are destroyed. Son vows revenge. Son goes to China to become Lin Kuei. Quan Chi killed the Shirai Ryu in Mythologies so Guy needs to find a cause. He remebers that not everything was destroyed. He gives the Lin Kuei grandmaster the idea of automation and willingly becomes the first Cyborg


its actually not that long so i actually read it. unlike other writen submisions which are soooo long. not that i dont like to read just that i dont like reading really long things on the computer and would rather have it on paper.

so back on topic its really good nice story good imagination maybe if u could dig a little bit more deeper and go into details but overall its great. i actually might write me one of these. 3.9/5 good job man

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Jiro
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Kung Lao/Smoke main. Maker of puns and bad jokes.

08/24/2009 06:18 PM (UTC)
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Chimera Wrote:
not alot would read the whole thing so here's a summary:

Japanese robotics guy gets assassinated by Shirai Ryu and nearly all his works are destroyed. Son vows revenge. Son goes to China to become Lin Kuei. Quan Chi killed the Shirai Ryu in Mythologies so Guy needs to find a cause. He remebers that not everything was destroyed. He gives the Lin Kuei grandmaster the idea of automation and willingly becomes the first Cyborg

I really don't know who would open up a written fan submission without expecting a long amount of writing, or not feel like going through it all...but i like the summary as well.
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Jerrod
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MKO Moderator, Story Writer, Actor
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08/25/2009 01:22 PM (UTC)
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GrotesquetheBeast Wrote:
you should stretch out your pacing more, add more details. overall, it's an intresting concept, I just feel it could be fleshed out alot better.

3/5

-GTB

Got to agree with this one. The story seems to be more of an outline; it's missing a lot of meat and should be expanded.
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XxTheOtherOnexX
07/12/2011 12:02 AM (UTC)
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Love the concept!! smile
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