Something seems to be wrong with the submission; the punctuation is messed up. In any case, I have to say that I absolutely hate the real names you picked for these guys. Danny? Hugh? Taylor? They're just too common. And a new Grandmaster who pops out in the middle of the automation process? And the fact that Sektor and Cyrax volunteered to become machines seems to be ignored. It also seems as though you didn't proof-read your submission, as there are a lot of typos (not that I'm perfect with my own submissions and their typos, but considering how long this prologue is, you'd think you'd notice that you spelled words like where/were wrong). Also, Sektor and Smoke are LK-9T9 and LK-7T2.

I have to agree with Jerrod. 1/5

I like where your going with this, but the names could use some work. I will give you some better ones. Typos can be fixed, and all in all, I am an easy grader (I curse myself for that), I give you a 3/5. I do agree most with Jerrod about the story, but it can be fixed to follow the MK timeline story.

Here are some names:

~ Tekumah= This one would fit Sektor the best. I got the main idea from Sektor's Tekunin army. Tekumah could mean "iron ninja" because "tekko" means "iron" in Japanese, and maybe Sektor was a skilled ninja of the Lin Kuei before automation.

~ Ckeb= This one is for Cyrax. Ckeb, is a Chinese word for 'humanity' and since Cyrax is the only cyborg to date to recover his humanity, then this one would fit him best as far as his story goes.

~ Ni= This one is for Smoke. Ni, is a Chinese word for 'smoke' and since Smoke was his Lin Kuei name before automation, who knows if his name (Ni) stems to his Lin Kuei one (Smoke). It makes sense, since the Lin Kuei have meaning to their naming, for instance, Sub-Zero-he possesses the ancient powers of Lin Kuei, which is the power of cold. Make sense?

Lets all name ninjas hugh. 1\5

Also, I think you should add a bit of 'non-cannon' to the story just to spice it up a tad. For instance, lets say that the Lin Kuei automated four ninjas. Sektor, Cyrax, Smoke, and my choice of a fourth one would be: D.I.S.A.S.T.E.R. D.I.S.A.S.T.E.R. would stand for: Dead from the Inside Status As Savage Top Elite Rogue.

You could have him be the forgotten automated, or proto-prototype from Sektor. His story could be that he was the first unsuccessful automation and when activated, he would be a 'disaster'. So they shut him down and hid him. Or, you could have it to where the Lin Kuei have been saving him as the ultimate weapon if all else fails. He could have the abilities of all three automated ninjas put together.

These are just some basic ideas that will make your stories a hit. It is like MK to have an unexpected twist, which would be D.I.S.A.S.T.E.R., a forgotten automated. I hope this helps, and I hope I am not being over critical. Just trying to help, and I hope it does.

Wow thats how many typos in there. Something must went wrong with the sub like Jarrod Said. Well heres how I orignally wrote it.


Mortal Kombat: Khronicles
Robotic Stories

Hi. My name as you all know is DarkRyder. This is my first fan fic and might not be good. It will follow in chapters. And will follow the lines of Smoke, Sektor, and Cyrax. The time line is when they are tring to catch Sub-Zero. This like all is considered Non-Canon so let the prelude begin.



Prelude:


“Wh.. where am I?” a exhausted Hugh said as he awakened from his deep sleep.
“You are no longer known as Hugh your name is now LK-929 or Sektor” said a face unknown to Hugh or now Sektor. “I’m your new Grandmaster. And you are the first of three robotic Lin Kuei.” “No! Where Taylor wheres Danny! What have you done!”
“Your friends. Humph! They where no match for me. They are now LK-4D4 and LK-727. Or Cyrax and Smoke. Your friend “Danny” tried to escape with Sub-Zero but sacrificed himself for Sub-Zero to get away.” Sektor tried to think to himself but couldn’t. He didn’t know what was wrong and then his NEW Grandmaster started to speak, “I forgot to tell you. Soon you and your friends will lose all memories of your past and will do what I tell you to!” “No! I can’t! Must remember family!” But it was to late. Sektor, Smoke, and Cyrax had forgoten everything. And now were to seek and destroy Sub-Zero.


See. They weren't that many typos. Well there some.

I could submit it again if you want Jarrod or people could look at this.
Dont worry the story will soon get as non-cannon as it gets. With some cannon stuff of course.

And as for the names... I picked what came to my mind first. To tell you the truth if I waited any longer they were gonna be Jack and Black (Black as a nickname real name Ryan).

Hugh the cybernetic warrior!XD 3/5

Good, keep going. I want to read more of the story. I could tell that the names were off the top of your head, and like I said, typos are not a problem. And remember, just read my last two posts if you are having trouble with names or having trouble thinking of some non-cannon ideas. If you need anymore ideas or help, just post or IM me . . . I am sure I can think of more ideas.