ERMAC
«... so, you are finally complete, after so long and so many souls... I now have a kombatant able to manipulate his surroundings as he sees fit. With you I can finally conquer Earthrealm... Ermac.»
We awoke, startled from our meditation. Slowly we drifted down to the ground and sighed. Visions and dreams of Shao Kahn, former and current Emperor of Outworld, were constantly haunting us. Those were the last words Shao Kahn ever spoke to us. We were his loyal warrior who helped lead the charge against Earthrealm's forces in the third Mortal Kombat tournament. But, we had been defeated by the Shaolin Monk Liu Kang, and have slipped into the shadows ever since. We had stayed in hiding in the events after Shao Kahn's failed invasion of Earthrealm, such as Shinnok's attack on Edenia and the formation of the Deadly Alliance. It was in this time we were freed from Shao Kahn's grasp by the blind swordsman Kenshi. Unfortunately, the Dragon King's return forced us out of our exile.
We sided with good in this war, and helped the spirit of Liu Kang, whom we had tried to kill, free his allies from Onaga's control. With our aid Onaga was defeated, and it seemed that the realms could finally be at peace. But an old evil returned again. Shao Kahn regained his throne as Emperor of Outworld, threatening peace yet again. Many years ago we had served him, but no more. The thousands of souls were speaking, each with its own voice, to hunt him down and destroy him. Once his most fanatical follower, we will throw him down from his seat of power before he can fully regain strength.
Shao Kahn's fortress is said to be impenetrable, with walls hundreds of feet high, and thousands of soldiers stationed there. That is, it is only impenetrable from the fortress side. The fortress itself is built into the side of a mountain that is supposedly impossible to climb. However, that is only because no one else has powers such as ours. We could simply telekinetically lift myself over anything I could not scramble over. Despite razor sharp rocks and vertical inclines, we easily scaled the mountain, and were on the roof of Shao Kahn's throne room.
We slipped in among the dusty rafters, spying for Shao Kahn, waiting to strike. Sure enough, he came in, but not alone. Shang Tsung, Reiko, and Goro, all formidable opponents, accompanied him. This would be harder than we thought it would.
The familiar voice of Shao Kahn spoke. «Reiko, brief me on our troop levels. How many can we put forth into battle?»
«I would estimate we have ten thousand garrisoned here, and many in the country side would willingly take up arms for us. Of course, if the do not they face death,» Reiko responded. «Thanks to Goro, we can depend on the Shokan to aid us as well.» He noticed the distracted and troubled look on the emperor's face. «Is something wrong my lord?»
«There is someone watching us, in the rafters»as he gestured towards us. Our glowing green eyes had given us away. «Come out, whoever you are!»
With that, we dropped down from the ceiling rafters and landed in the middle of the throne room. The surprise was easily recognizable on Shao Kahn's face. «Ermac? But you were...»
«Dead? Killed in the third tournament? Wrong. We survived, and waited seven years for you to contact us. But the Earthrealm warrior Kenshi freed us of your control, and for the first time in our life we had our own free will.»
«And now what? Have you chosen to serve me again?»
«No. We are here to kill you so you can never again threaten peace.»
«FOOL! You were created with one purpose, to serve me without question. Now bow down to your emperor!» With that he tried to absorb the souls that comprise our being. Three seeped out, howling as they left us. The pain was excruciating. We fell to our knees, as Shao Kahn stood over us, gloating. «You see, all who oppose me die.»
Somehow, we found a way through the pain. When he was least suspecting it, we landed a vicious uppercut on him. He fell back; shocked we had struck him. Seemingly saddened, he turned away and sat down on his throne.
«So you have chosen death. Reiko, finish him.» Always loyal to his emperor, he charged forth, swinging his hammer above his head. We smoothly sidestepped the downward strike, and threw him into a stone column. He got back to his feet, but we followed with such a flurry of telekinetic throws and slams he never got another chance to attack. We reeled him in close and with one crushing strike on his chin, his neck snapped back in sharp report. He fell, and never got back up.
«So, Reiko was weak. I thought so. Goro.» Shao Kahn ordered the Shokan Prince forward. He easily dwarfed us, and was far superior in physical strength. But he was slow.
We darted around Goro, as he swung wildly, trying desperately to strike us. We simply stayed out his long reach, (fighting a kombatant with two arms is simple enough, but four arms is quite a challenge) and peppered him with Hado-Energy. Large burns appeared on his chest and shoulders, and the pain was visible in his beady eyes. He dropped his guard and holding back nothing, we kicked him right on the wounds, and his blood seeped out of the scorched pores. It must have done some serious damage to his lungs, because he fell to his knees and started coughing blood.
Seizing the opportunity, we kneed him in the gut, and he fell to the ground. Showing no mercy, we grabbed his hair in our fist and slammed his head repeatedly on the stone floor until blood flew from his face, and there was a crater in the ground, and finished him by stomping on his head. He was still.
Shao Kahn sighed. «I knew I should have kept the Centaurs. Which leaves me my oldest ally. Shang Tsung, step forward.»
The ancient sorcerer attacked with his skull fireballs, sweeping across the room with them. We had to propel ourself into the air to avoid them. We scythed through the air down to him in a dive kick, which knocked him back, but he recovered and uppercut us as we came to the ground. The blow cut our skin on the cheek, and our green blood started seeping out. As we recoiled, Shang Tsung came up and grabbed us on the wound, and ... we lost consciousness. But it would seem that Shang Tsung tried to absorb the souls that comprise our being. But he must have overestimated the sheer concentration of spiritual energy. When we recovered, Shang Tsung was dazed, and we gave him no quarter. We lifted him into the air, and tore him apart.
Shao Kahn's rage was displayed on his face. «So, once again he has failed me. Which means I must deal with you myself.» He seized his massive Wrath Hammer from beside his throne and strode in massive steps towards us.
Our memories came back to us. Before we had set out for Earthrealm in the third tournament, we had sparred with Shao Kahn himself, for him to test our skills. Shao Kahn then seemed faster and stronger than any that we had faced, and when we had tried to seize him with our telekinetic grasp, he simply shrugged it off and defeated us. But according to him, we had «passed». But we had grown in power in ways Shao Kahn could not imagine.
He swung horizontally to crush our rib cage, and we ducked low. He swung low to smash our legs, sparks flying as the hammer scraped against the stone floor. We launched into the air with our Mystic Float, and just as quickly came back down, creating a shockwave, that sent him sprawling and knocked the hammer out of his hand. Furious, he rushed us with his shoulder spikes, which bit down into our side. We kneed him back in the chest, driving the wind out of him, as he dropped to one knee, we axe-kicked him in the back of his head. A crack showed on his helmet.
Feeling it on the back of his head, he spat «no one touches my helmet and lives, not so much as crack it.»
«Apparently you don't know about Rieko's little sojourns into this room.»
«Wha...»
With his guard down, we sent a Hado Energy spiraling towards him, but he threw up a shield of energy that sent our attack back at us. We tried rolling away from it, but Shao Kahn was waiting. He caught us in midair, and started raining blow upon blow on us. We were helpless as he pummeled us into submission, and with a powerful backhand strike he knocked us away.
We tried to get back on our feet, but we were so dazed we sunk to our knees. The thrill of kombat gave him strength. Shao Kahn strutted over and started to gloat over us. «Did I not tell you that all who face me are destroyed? But I am a merciful sovereign. I give you one last chance. Serve me as a replacement for those who you destroyed, and I will spare your life.»
Defiantly, we spat, «Never!»
«Then you shall die.» With that, he muttered an arcane incantation. A pain like that of a thousand white-hot brandings stabbing us spiked in our body, and souls began to leak from our body and fly into Shao Kahn. There is a mystical barrier that keeps souls from escaping our body, and he had destroyed it. He smiled as they screamed, as they wished so desperately to be free, instead to be trapped by this monster. Raging at this injustice, our hatred for Shao Kahn gave us strength. We struck out with a low kick that shattered his femur, and he fell away from us, screaming in pain. Getting back to our feet, lashed out at him again and again, until his helmet shattered, showing his hideous visage of beady eyes, slit nostrils for a nose and gnashing teeth. We held out our hands, alight in green flame. He smirked, thinking we could not lift him. Then he noticed he was seven feet above the ground. We saw his hammer lying on the ground near us, and we lifted that twenty feet above his head. Horror was in his eyes.
«Don't forget, without me you would be nothing! You owe me everything... your powers... your very existence!»
We brought him in close, staring into his face, knowing it would be the last time anyone would be forced to. «WE OWE YOU NOTHING!» And with that we released the hammer from our grasp and let it fall, crushing Shao Kahn's head. The Emperor of Outworld was no more.
The wounds we had suffered, both physical and spiritual took their toll. We fell unconscious, as the thousands of souls that make us drifted away, finally at rest.
I awoke. My first thought was «I'm still alive? Wait... I?» I was now one entity, not the fusion of many souls, but just one. It was somewhat sad; I no longer had my powers. Wishfully reaching out for it, there was seemingly nothing there. But then that familiar mystical green flame danced on my hands.
I am Ermac.
Author : tj
Creation date: 2008-6-15-11-34
Modification date: 2008-6-15-11-37
Author's Remarks: | |
Yeah, this is my first work, for my favorite character. Please don't kill me over it. I'd like to thank Jerrod for the inspiration and guidance he gave me.
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Content | 2062 words | Category | Other | User Views | |
User Likes | User Ratings | 4 | Score | 5.0 |
You gave back story to explain when it’s taking place. You also used a lot of canon information which is always essential in good fanfiction, but were still able to incorporate your own made-up events to add more flavour (Ermac Vs. Liu Kang). Little bits like that are nice to read about. I want to say that personally, I prefer a lot of details when people are inventing their own parts, but what you had was enough to establish the importance of where, when, and why, so you’re in the clear.
You were very detailed when it came to the fight scenes, you wrote every punch and kick and blast, which was cool, as you don’t see that very often. I would've liked to see more from Goro, Reiko, and Shang Tsung though, as they do have a lot of abilities to their advantage that I would've liked you to develop more (teleportation, their projectiles, non-typical sorcery, etc.).
“We were his loyal warrior who helped lead the charge against Earthrealm's forces in the third Mortal Kombat tournament.”
First thing to remember is that there was no third tournament; after the second one, it was an all-out war.
“The fortress itself is built into the side of a mountain that is supposedly impossible to climb. However, that is only because no one else has powers such as ours. We could simply telekinetically lift myself over anything I could not scramble over.”
We have other characters that can levitate or fly (Raiden, Sonya, Kitana, Sindel and Fujin come to mind) so Ermac seems to not be very informed about other’s abilities. Also, you have a problem with consistency, as Ermac’s been saying “we” and referring to himself as more than one person, but now he’s in the singular. This is Ermac’s biggest thing as he’s the only character who does this, so you have to make sure that no matter what, he never uses “I” or “myself” or other words that designate singular.
“«Dead? Killed in the third tournament? Wrong. We survived, and waited seven years for you to contact us. But the Earthrealm warrior Kenshi freed us of your control, and for the first time in our life we had our own free will.»”
Be careful when it comes to using exact amounts of time, as MK isn’t very good at keeping us informed for how long there is between games. Most of the time, we use only general terms (weeks, months, years), and never use numbers. Again, you’re speaking for more than one person, so it’s “lives,” but at the same time, Ermac is a fusion of dead souls, so technically he isn’t alive, so you could’ve gone with “for the first time since we were created” instead.
“We simply stayed out his long reach, (fighting a kombatant with two arms is simple enough, but four arms is quite a challenge) and peppered him with Hado-Energy.”
Though this is MK, there’s no need to change every combat to kombat unless it’s directly related to a tournament happening. Otherwise, spell it with a “c.” Also, the thesaurus is your friend, but make sure the words you use are appropriate for what you’re trying to describe. Words like “report” don’t often get used to mean “loud sound,” so that could be confusing, and “peppered” is too weak to describe a shower of energy blasts, as it makes it like he’s sprinkling weak blasts at Goro, which isn’t what I think you’re looking for.
“We launched into the air with our Mystic Float, and just as quickly came back down, creating a shockwave, that sent him sprawling and knocked the hammer out of his hand.”
Sometimes you don’t need to make reference attacks specifically when they are used, or even at all; it just seems awkward to have him say that first part and then mention the Mystic Float as if it’s a trademark.
«Apparently you don't know about Rieko's little sojourns into this room.»
It was a nice bit of trivia to add there. Watch proper name spelling though, believe me, when you re-read something you’ve already submitted and see one mistake like that, it hurts (I spelled "Tarkata" as “Tarakata” in one of my fics and it bugs me all the time). Also, sojourns = short vacations, so you got to keep in mind the meanings of the words you use that you don’t include in your regular vocabulary.
“It was somewhat sad; I no longer had my powers. Wishfully reaching out for it, there was seemingly nothing there. But then that familiar mystical green flame danced on my hands.”
First making him think he has no powers and then seconds later giving them back doesn’t make for a great bit of writing, as it shows indecisiveness. Maybe you could’ve done something more with this, like have a soul or two drift to him and re-enter his body to give him some power. You could’ve made it into a much more developed part here. Having him become his own person, a single mind, was a very nice ending though. Definitely a surprise to read that part.
The last thing you need to work on is a good title. "Ermac" and then submitting it as "Ermac fanfic" is boring and uninspired. Without an interesting title, you'll find few people who'll want to read it, so that's something to work on as well.
You got a lot of potential with your writing. I hope that you keep on writing stuff like this.
Reserving the first post to give you a decent rate when I have more time. Before I write out a giant critique though, I got to say that this is the one of the best submitted fan fictions I've read in a long time.
Well damn, thank you. Especially coming from you, since I was inspired by your own works.
Thank you for all your advice, I'll take it to heart. I just have to figure out what to do next. Got a few ideas, so we'll have to see.
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i read it with pleasure, onest.
for so far the best fanfic i haved read!
Great job dude.
100/10!
one word, Amen