I had marched through the Outworld wastes for weeks, slaying all manner of foul beast and fiendish demon. My aged bones ached, my long white hair unkempt, but I knew my purpose. I knew that if this thing I could help create now existed that I could also destroy it. Even now with bloodied knuckles and weary eyes my resolve was true; Onaga would fall. His victory over me was not complete, not so long as I still drew breath. This power he bestowed upon me would be his very undoing, and justice would be swift and decisive.
I had reached the edge of a large rocky gorge, on the other side I could see the Dragon King's unholy temple. I scowled and fixed my eyes on the beacon of terror shining in the night. It would be soon now. As I began descending the cliff's edge, a storm began to gather suddenly and violently. I was taken aback as a bolt of lightning struck directly behind me. As I turned instinctively toward the sound, there stood a familiar sight. It was the Thunder God, Raiden himself. I immediately noticed something different about him, as if he had been changed somehow since our last meeting. I took a few steps back and held my ground there.
"Shujinko!" he called loudly, his voice electric with the energy of cosmic power. "Here I find you... once again where you do not belong. You are not the hero of Earthrealm; you are a traitor! An incompetent, naive fool is all you have been," Raiden said, his hand curling into a fist as lightning crackled through his body.
"My Lord... I will make right the wrongs I have set in motion. I and I alone must bear this burden. I have no interest in meaningless titles or frivolous rewards... all I wish now is to undue this deception before it is too late. My life has been wasted... the years have passed me by... but in doing so I can rest knowing another will never walk my path again," I said, still admiring the mighty God of Thunder. Surely his anger would subside, surely the protector of Earthrealm would not wish to endanger the realms' final chance at salvation.
"Arrogant whelp, my patience for you, and your race, has perished... as shall you!"" he responded, gritting his teeth and narrowing his gaze. His eyes suddenly glowed a deep unnatural red of which the likes I had never seen. He cast a bolt of electricity without warning, but with my expert training I was able to dodge as it crashed violently into a large boulder, vaporizing it instantly. This seemed to only anger him further. He began channeling a large spell I could not predict or comprehend, and before I could react the Heavens opened and thousands of streaks of lightning rained down from the sky. They hit nearly every foot of ground nearby and it wasn't long before several struck me. The searing pain was unbearable and I fell to my knees and then onto my face. My eyes caught sight of the Thunder God once more.
"Meddling worm... come Liu, we must press on, Earthrealm needs but one champion... forever," his eyes flickered as he walked past my body and in the distance I thought I heard the sound of a faint groaning. I could smell the cooked flesh of my body and taste the blood in my throat; I had failed. I exhaled one final breath and closed my eyes for the last time.
My next waking moment seemed almost instantaneous. The screams came into my ears immediately. The cries of anguish called out from all around me as I picked my body up from the stony ground. I surveyed my surroundings quickly, not sure what to make of my situation. I could see giant red mountains looming in the distance and a thick cloud of rust-colored dust hung low in the air. It was then I realized; I was in Hell. The very gods I believed myself to be serving most of my life had indeed forsaken me, and I was now standing in the Netherrealm, this time with no passage to leave.
Suddenly, I heard the faint and seemingly distant sound of someone... or something... calling my name. I prepared to defend myself as the ash covering the scorched earth began to rise into the air. It collected in a swirling mass in front of me in a raging vortex, and once again I could hear the sound of my name echoing through the air. The sound was haunting and pierced more than just my ears, as if I could feel this call in my very soul. The whirlwind began to slow and as it began to dissipate a figure was revealed on the other side. He was cloaked in a black and red embroidered robe, the hood covering his head. Only the flesh of his hands and face were visible and the skin was pale gray, almost putrid in appearance. His hands and neck were lined with several jewels of a plethora of colors... it was the ruler of Hell itself, the fallen god Shinnok.
"Shujinko...'' The sound of my name rolled eerily off his tongue as a twisted grin appeared on his visage. As he stepped forth from the cloud of ash, I immediately drew back. If this demon planned to torture me, I would at least put up a valiant fight before he did so. I gathered my might and launched an assault, flying toward him with a kick. He did not move to act, but my body was suddenly engulfed by fire. I fell to the ground writhing in agony as he slowly walked toward me. I attempted to stand but was knocked to my knees by another painful barrage of flames. The hellfire burst upwards and completely incased me, not damaging my body but filling me with an unbelievable and seemingly neverending pain. Without warning, the torture ended and I fell flat before him, too exhausted to rise again.
"Well... and a warm welcome to you as well." He stood over me as I inhaled heavily, choking on the hot air of this accursed realm. I tried desperately to catch my breath. "Clearly you are not as glad to see me as I am to see you."
"You'll learn nothing from me fiend, I will never serve you," I spat. I refused to allow him to torture my mind as well as my body. He still showed no outward signs of anger.
"Ah... but will you serve yourself?" he commented, dropping his gaze to meet mine. I once again summoned up my might and drove my body toward him on the power of my will alone. He caught me as I rose up to attack him, his hand gripped my throat and he raised me high into the air. His touch was almost acidic and stung like fire. He was simply too powerful; he cast me aside as if I was nothing, again leaving me coughing for air.
"Truly, you are a warrior of insurmountable will... I can sense in you a passion even death cannot extinguish. Perhaps, it doesn't have to...," he said, his lips curling into a smile. I could only guess at what his ambitions were. "No doubt you know of an amulet of great power... the Amulet of Aappar. Even now, the blinded fool Onaga attempts to use its power to fuse the Kamidogu. He is an oaf, clearly incapable of unlocking the necessary elements to perform the ritual... still, there is always the chance that he might. If he succeeds, the world as we know it will cease to be," he recited eloquently as he paced above my fallen body once again.
"The Elder Gods... they will stop him... I know... I know what will happen if he succeeds," I stammered, still trying to regain myself.
Shinnok turned his hollow gaze toward me and his expression changed from calculating to deathly serious. "How little you know of the 'Elder Gods'..." he said coldly. I could almost feel his eyes looking straight through me. I could tell it was no bluff. "But, that doesn't have to transpire. A destined warrior could bring this threat under control and stop this fool. You could stop it."
I looked up, my eyes a mix of anger and hope. How could I trust in this beast? Yet, I felt I had no other alternative. "What... do you want from me?" I accused him.
Shinnok smiled once again. "The amulet is rightfully mine. Bring it to me," he said as his hand curled into a fist.
I had finally managed to gain the strength to stand once again. Even in this accursed place, even forsaken by the Elder Gods themselves... my desire to undo what I had done still burned like an inferno inside my soul. "Very well," I replied with a nod.
This brought about a laugh from the fallen god. "Did you truly believe that I would restore your life for your word alone? It isn't that simple my dear friend, I will not be so easily crossed again." Shinnok brought his hand to his chin and gently rested it there for a few moments before lowering it. "Yes... I can indeed grant you another life, at a price. The souls of the fallen find their way here to my domain... with every soul I have yet another willing subject to do my bidding. For every day you walk amongst the living, you must send me back one soul. Every day you breath in the world of the living is a day that I must have another soul to take your place."
I was appalled and drew back aghast. "... never, I will never serve you!" I said defiantly. Even as I said those words, I knew my resolve had weakened. I knew that to fulfill my promise to humanity, I would have to make this deal with the devil himself.
"So you say... but your soul tells me differently. Until you return to me with my amulet, you must continue to kill. If you should fail to honor our agreement, then you yourself will decay and expire. You will be returned to the Netherrealm and spend an eternity of suffering here with me," he said as he waved an arm, highlighting the view of the molten landscape behind him.
I could only hang my head in shame. I looked up and he had extended his hand as royalty does. I gritted my teeth, but I knew what had to be done. I reached out and took his outstretched hand which was hidden from view by his robe. As I grasped where his hand should have been, I instead felt the bony fingers of a skeleton. In a blink a giant skeletal hand broke through the earth under me and firmly held me in place. Shinnok stepped forward and revealed his now skeletal hand. The colossal hand held me facing him and he reached out, digging his razor sharp fingers into my chest. I yelled in pain as blood began to spill down my clothing.
"I hope not to see you again without the Amulet of Aappar," Shinnok uttered coldly, giving me a nefarious stare. In an instant the skeletal hand closed around me and my world once again faded into darkness.
I woke up panting and in a cold sweat. I looked around for any sign of Shinnok but could see none. I was in a forest and a campfire laid before me, though I could not recall building one. Had it all been a nightmare? I covered my face with my hands, convinced it was. I sighed in relief, until I looked down at my chest. The mark... his mark was there. The fire suddenly flared and caught my attention, and in the flames the image of the amulet burned. I stared deep into the flickering red and orange blaze, once again aware of the painful truth.
I traveled the rest of the next day, deep in thought and persistently walking. I still was not quite sure where exactly I was, but by the evening I could already feel the effects of my curse. My skin began to turn the color of death, I could feel the sickness swarming over me. I had hoped to be attacked by some demon or madmen, but none had come. As night began to fall, I saw a village in the distance and approached. It was a small farming village of peasant workers ending their day's labor. I crept closer and hid in a large bush near one of the huts. I saw a man cradling a small child. The two laughed and played together before the man put the little girl down, letting her run into what must have been their home. I drew back into my shelter and fell into myself in a fit of sadness. I wept into my hands, unable to control my emotions. I breathed in and looked up once again at the man, his back turned to me putting away his tools. I reached for my autumn dao and told myself 'this is for the good of the realms'. I leaped from the darkness, blade in hand...
Author's Remarks: | |
This is the first bio for my own continuation of MK: Deception. Shujinko, of course.
|
Content | 2215 words | Category | Other | User Views | |
User Likes | User Ratings | 8 | Score | 4.5 |
I decided to begin with Shujinko because I was just in the mood for him for some reason, and given he's Deception's main hero it's a nice start. I won't be doing all the characters, just the ones I have on my own roster. More on that later. Anyway, enjoy.
Now go work on more.
What do you like? Hit the Toasty thumbs up on articles and forum posts for a quick response!
I might've liked to have seen a couple of descriptions with one or two less adjectives, but your design of Netherealm in words, as a more classically unpleasant place to be, was well appreciated.
As I mentioned elsewhere, I think the ease with which Shujinko leaves death is in opposition to the credibility you've tried to give HELL in that description. As a piece of franchised fiction; it would've been nice to see something that emphasised the threat and struggle of death in ways the original source material unfortunately doesn't. Particularly if you're planning a tapestry of character plots, which might've give you an opportunity to do that first. It's not really a fair criticism of this story, but it's a valuable service a new piece of writing (fan-fiction) could undertake, and a logic this type of serialized fiction benefits from. On a related note, I don't get a sense that you're considering Armageddon's plotlines. There wasn't a lot here to conflict with it, but as a structural objective to work within, I might like that.
The idea of a moral struggle is something MK hasn't fully investigated and is a conventional way of maturing the brand. I like the big concept of it, but again, I feel the nature of Shujinko's exit is not in the spirit of what we know about Netherealm (ie; spectres and wraiths). There's no reason those ideas couldn't be expanded upon, but I'm not entirely comfortable with this method. It feels like there are more naturalistic options with the vampire characters (which the idea seems to reflect), or even the way it was done in the Conquest TV series with Master Cho.
I think Raiden's actions could've been slightly more direct, but I thought you did a good job of acknowledging and balancing the interacting egos. It was a bit obtuse, but I liked the reference to Raiden's spell being something Shujinko "could not predict or comprehend." I think that delicate consideration for the weight of characters is something MK lacks and is good to see in new material.
All in all, a good job. I'll be interested to see what more you're producing and what kinds of larger textures might emerge from that, if the various stories are to interact in any way.
It made me like Shujinko more, he comes across as more of tragic character rather than just a naive fool. The dialogue was true to the characters, I could hear them speaking the lines in my head when reading it.
I like how you included Shinnok (thats funny), he's one of the characters that really ought to be explored more. He seemed to actually have power, something the games epically failed at depicting. The amulet has always been interesting to me; Everyone wants to get their hands on it, but nobody seems to know what it does. I'd like to see more about it.
I'm not really good at putting my thoughts into words. I liked it, write more.
I liked it a lot. At some point in the middle I forgot I was reading fan fiction, which is probably a good thing.
It made me like Shujinko more, he comes across as more of tragic character rather than just a naive fool. The dialogue was true to the characters, I could hear them speaking the lines in my head when reading it.
I like how you included Shinnok (thats funny), he's one of the characters that really ought to be explored more. He seemed to actually have power, something the games epically failed at depicting. The amulet has always been interesting to me; Everyone wants to get their hands on it, but nobody seems to know what it does. I'd like to see more about it.
I'm not really good at putting my thoughts into words. I liked it, write more.
You basically said everything I wanted to say.
Nice work Crow, please do more.
I've always thoroughly enjoyed your writing. You make every word matter and every sentence builds up to the next. This bio flows so well from start to finish. The premise is intriguing and honest to the characters involved. It doesn't get lost in dialogue and what dialogue there is is written well. Each sentence sounds like something the character would say.
Now go work on more.
Thanks =)
These aren't meant to be too long winded, so I'm glad I was able to do that here. These are basically bios leading from Deception (or whenever the character was last seen) to their current states. I may write "endings" that show the conclusion to their stories here.
As I mentioned elsewhere, I think the ease with which Shujinko leaves death is in opposition to the credibility you've tried to give HELL in that description. As a piece of franchised fiction; it would've been nice to see something that emphasised the threat and struggle of death in ways the original source material unfortunately doesn't. Particularly if you're planning a tapestry of character plots, which might've give you an opportunity to do that first. It's not really a fair criticism of this story, but it's a valuable service a new piece of writing (fan-fiction) could undertake, and a logic this type of serialized fiction benefits from. On a related note, I don't get a sense that you're considering Armageddon's plotlines. There wasn't a lot here to conflict with it, but as a structural objective to work within, I might like that.
The idea of a moral struggle is something MK hasn't fully investigated and is a conventional way of maturing the brand. I like the big concept of it, but again, I feel the nature of Shujinko's exit is not in the spirit of what we know about Netherealm (ie; spectres and wraiths). There's no reason those ideas couldn't be expanded upon, but I'm not entirely comfortable with this method. It feels like there are more naturalistic options with the vampire characters (which the idea seems to reflect), or even the way it was done in the Conquest TV series with Master Cho.
I didn't really want to trivialize death the way Mortal Kombat usually does. Shinnok was basically waiting for Shujinko specifically given the nature of his abilities. To me, Hell is a place of suffering and anguish. It isn't this cool place that Scorpion likes to hang out in and dead people are free to come and go as they please. Shinnok rules my Hell with an iron fist and every move he makes is part of a larger plot. It's hard to address those things in a relatively short piece though so I can understand that complaint.
The bios will have some connection to one another (and later pieces moreso, as the story begins to gel). There will be heroes, villains and neutral forces at work like usual. Some characters obviously won't have much to do with one another, but others will definitely be connected. It all depends on the character really. The way I like to write is to connect at least a few characters to every other character though, such as in this with Raiden and Shinnok, and later Liu Kang.
I liked it a lot. At some point in the middle I forgot I was reading fan fiction, which is probably a good thing.
It made me like Shujinko more, he comes across as more of tragic character rather than just a naive fool. The dialogue was true to the characters, I could hear them speaking the lines in my head when reading it.
I like how you included Shinnok (thats funny), he's one of the characters that really ought to be explored more. He seemed to actually have power, something the games epically failed at depicting. The amulet has always been interesting to me; Everyone wants to get their hands on it, but nobody seems to know what it does. I'd like to see more about it.
I'm not really good at putting my thoughts into words. I liked it, write more.
Thanks. Whenever a writer of fan fiction can make it authentic enough not to sound like fan fiction, then I've done my job. Shinnok will be a very major character (sort of like how he's portrayed in MKA) but a little different here obviously. I'll be telling much more about his intents and much more than the games did about the gods and the fusing of Kamidogu.
no one will ever be immortal
TonyTheTiger - Forum Director
Mortal Kombat Online - The Ultimate Mortal Kombat Experience
-
Nintendo is comprised of three Japanese words. Nin, Ten, Dou, and when combined it means we kicked the holy shit outta Atari.
Too many fanfics get bogged down with self congratulatory shit. "Look at me! I can bury you in details about the thing I'm writing about because I know so much about it!" But this is straight to the point. I like that it's an easy read and just tells a story from a character's perspective.
Like mentioned above you nailed each character's persona. From the intolerance building high in Raiden, the sympathetic Shujinko and the true power of Shinnok.
I'm not sure if you're still writing more since it was months ago, but I'd like to see it.